Just when you thought Major League Baseball wasn't curious about all these steroids being bought and sold on that darn internet, well, don't worry: they are so totally going to, like, call people and stuff:"We're looking into it," baseball spokesman Rich Levin said Thursday. "I know our people are going to contact the Albany district attorney."Oooooh! Slam! Gary Matthews, look out ... Major League Baseball is hot on your heels like the Dog the Bounty Hunter. Don't think you can escape the Dog, brah.
Isn't this a little congenial? Shouldn't the "baseball spokesman" have a more severe statement prepared, so when all these pesky reporters get through on his home line he can drop something, oh, a little like this:
"I did not have sexual rela- "
Sorry. Wrong statement. Where was I? Oh, right:
"Major League Baseball is obviously aware of the rumors and innuendo surrounding some current players. I want to make it clear to people that we do not take them lightly, and that we are doing everything we can to pursue offenders of our drug policy and to ensure the integrity of our game and the safety of our players, while also respecting their fundamental rights."
Maybe a little long winded, but I think it does the trick. It sure beats "I'm planning on calling that dude that knows about it as soon as I get the chance ... which might be tomorrow because I have this really weird growth on my back that I have to take care of, and the doctor only has Thursday nights free ... hold on a sec ... honey, can you pick the kids up from soccer tomorrow? I have to call the Albany DA."

















Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
3-02-2007 @ 1:03PM
Jeff Rutstein said...
Now that spring training has started and Barry Bonds will be looking to be the all time home run king, your readers need to hear what this can mean for their children and about the real dangers of steroids. A whole new generation of kids will think it is o.k. to cheat and use dangerous illegal drugs to obtain athletic records.
My name is Jeff Rutstein, author of The Steroid Deceit, a book that chronicles my descent into steroid use and the uphill battle I faced with recovery. However, the real lessons of the book: the reasons why kids turn to steroids; signs of steroid abuse; a handle on dealing with the topic for parents; an honest explanation of the dangers of steroid abuse for kids. My recovery from an addiction that nearly killed me has been the subject of reports by The New York Times, Fox News, CNN and others.
The press release below - Bonds, Steroids and Our Children was written to make parents aware of the widespread use of steroids and the warning signs.
I believe your readers will find this topic eye-opening, an online media kit is available at www.steroiddeceit.com/media_room . I can be reached on my cell phone at 617-699-4427.
Best regards,
Jeff Rutstein
+ + + + +
Bonds, Steroids and Our Children
Does your child use steroids?
Of course not.
That's what concerned parents want to believe.
Yet scores of young people are consuming a toxic stew, drugs they believe will enhance physical strength, performance and stamina, and build confidence.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows steroid use among male high school students rose 65 percent from 3.7 to 6.1 percent between 1999 and 2003; among female students it jumped from 2.2 to 5.3 percent, or a whopping 140 percent.
Many of these young people have as their unfortunate role models certain high-profile athletes such as Barry Bonds, who have been implicated in steroid use.
So, parents, be wary. Steroids are stealthy predators. Watch for warning signs: rapidly bulked-up muscles, preoccupation with “getting big,” unusual acne, major mood swings, muscle magazines, pills or powders promising muscle development, and vials and syringes.
If you suspect a problem, get between the drugs and your child, impressing upon him or her the fact that what they're doing is illegal and very dangerous.
You may be what saves your child from devastating health problems or from death.
What Are They:
So-called anabolic-androgenic steroids are man-made substances related to male sex hormones. “Anabolic” refers to muscle-building, and “androgenic” refers to increased masculine characteristics, as defined by the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
“Steroids” refers to the class of drugs, often legally prescribed for people with wasting diseases such as AIDS.
But illegal use, which can add body size, is just as likely to destroy or impair the liver, heart and kidneys, emotional stability and normal sexual development of kids.
I know all this because I abused steroids for three and a half years in the mid - 80's -- and they almost killed me. They also ruined relationships and hurt my parents, parents who had raised me lovingly.
As a user, I learned to lie to my father and steal from my mother's purse.
I had no conscience.
I had good reasons for steroid use -- or so I thought.
Steroids primarily appeal to young people who are looking for an athletic edge or those who want a quick fix to a better body. All want to “supersize” themselves, to create a new and improved version. I had suffered in school due to my short stature and a stutter, both of which attracted bullies and teasing. Steroids looked like the perfect remedy. My heroes, after all, included The Incredible Hulk and a giant of a man named Arnold Schwarzenegger -- who eventually admitted to using steroids.
Finally Broken:
Eventually steroid use broke me, literally. My body and mind were in shambles. A long, long road back included physical and mental evaluations, addiction support group meetings, and exercise -- workouts not meant to “bulk up” but to help my battered body and mind reacquaint themselves.
I am now the father of two boys.
My life has been resurrected from the disaster known as steroids. That is why I am here to caution other parents: It doesn't just happen to someone else's kids.
When young people look at the hard, muscles bodies presented by smiling, oversized human beings, they see a tempting portrait.
Potential users are seduced by this fake picture of health and vitality and virility. The picture doesn't show the strain on the arteries, the wear and tear on the heart and the psyche.
It doesn't show the caskets.
Jeff Rutstein, author of The Steroid Deceit and owner of Boston's Custom Fitness, is a former steroid addict who almost died from steroid abuse. For more information on the consequences of steroids and how to combat today's epidemic of steroid abuse, go to www.StopSteroidAbuse.com
NOTE: Rutstein available for interviews.
CONTACT: Jeff Rutstein, 800-374-9959, admin@customfitness.com
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3-06-2007 @ 5:31PM
Ralph Garcia said...
Now there's news that racist pitcher John Rocker used steroids. I guess he got "steroids rage" confused with "steroids race". It was just appropirate that Rocker pitched for the Atlanta Braves, a team from the deep south. His thinking is like that of a dumb hillbilly.
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