The Dugout: Chicago Blues

The Dugout is a feature at FanHouse that brings the lives of Major League Baseball players directly to you...sort of. The official chatroom of the MLB keeps you up to date with all the recent happenings of your favorite players both on the field and off.

B is the third guy who does The Dugout and the only one who hasn't started yet, so he really doesn't appreciate the Chicago Cubs taking, using, and discarding a Baltimore Oriole to help them get a game deep into the playoffs when he should be back in Maryland somewhere in a closet, whipping himself with his own belt for being a part of this God-forsaken season. Legally, B wishes no harm on the Cubs, Steve Trachsel, or the Trachsel family, but he does think the idea of Bob Howry doing a gothic hair flip is pretty funny.

The Dugout

	TrachselRose: Hey, what happened to Dick Pole?
	gullivers_trammells: Dick Pole was solely responsible for the preceeding 99 years of Cubs misery, so he was promptly fired and removed. He and a chained goat are coaching the bench in Cincinnati.
	gullivers_trammells: Furthermore, there is no reasonable way to work Mr. Pole or any of his possible screen names into this conversation. The admins would embolden a couple of shift-eights and we'd nave nothing but this Pole and that Pole, all up in our asterisks.
	TrachselRose: Aw, that's a shame, I was really looking forward to Dick!
	gullivers_trammells: Yes, every year Cubs fans look forward to Dick, but this year things are different! We're in the playoffs, and we have to take this seriously.
	TrachselRose: why are you cloaked in shadow
	gullivers_trammells: You're off the team, Trachsel. You've been cut from the playoff roster. You, Marshall, and Ohman.
	TrachselRose: Oh, man.
	gullivers_trammells: I'm sorry, Steve, we used our Improbability Drive to save you from suffocating to death in the endless void of Baltimore and we appreciate what you've done for our team in the playoff stretch, but as the Worst Tom Glavine Ever we can't afford to keep you around.
	gullivers_trammells: If it makes you feel any better the real post-season Tom Glavine has been reduced to posting PFFT WHATEVER linkdump comments on David Wright's blog.
	TrachselRose: But I wanted to make it to the World Series!
	gullivers_trammells: Friend, it's the Cubs. Our success creates or destroys baseball lore. If we win, baseball history implodes upon itself and the media has to make a big deal out of the Astros.
	gullivers_trammells: You aren't going to miss much. Sweet Lou has already devolved from chugging wine coolers to kicking clumps of dirt into crude, spittled snowmen. We're like two seconds from giving up completely and calling it a season. I brought that with me from Detroit!
	TrachselRose: well is there anything left for me to do here, I'd like to help
	gullivers_trammells: You can make sure Bob Howry doesn't kill himself.
	HowryDoin: so cold now i wish i didn't feel everything so deeply i wish i could feel numb again
	TrachselRose: Hey buddy, cheer up, we only lost one game!
	HowryDoin: /flips hair
	ReadOnlyMemory: don't lissen ta him, bahb, this is all dack's falt
	HowryDoin: ya, this is all Dick's fault
	TrachselRose: Aw, come on! Dick? Are you nuts?
	Online Host /glares
	gullivers_trammells: yeah can't see this season going on for much longer

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

10-04-2007 @ 5:48PM

pstargalac said...

Nicely done, B. Way to keep the editors from giving you the shaft. It'll be hard, no doubt about it, but you have to stand firm. You can't lick these guys by being soft.