The Dugout: 100% Mississippi Queen, First Try

Joel Zumaya wanted to save some of the things from his parents' home before the California wildfires closed in and burned everything to the ground. In doing so, a "heavy box" fell on him, hurt his shoulder, and now he's sidelined until the middle of 2008. His entire career is in jeopardy.

How does a heavy box fall onto your shoulder in the attic? How tall are the ceilings in that attic, and how high are you stacking the boxes? Joel Zumaya is 6'3, so for a heavy box to fall from such a height as to create the velocity necessary to injure a professional athlete's shoulder, you're looking at at least a seven foot stack. Are Joel Zumaya's parents lumberjacks? Was he lying on the attic floor?

They should trade him to the Cubs and let him get shot in the chest by an old copy of Donkey Kong.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Burning Home Chatroom!
	FrightenedWoman: gasp My baby!
	ZumayaMyLord: Don't worry, ma'am, I'LL save your baby! /rushes into burning home /emerges with infant
	FrightenedWoman: gasp My cat!
	ZumayaMyLord: Don't worry, ma'am, I'LL save your cat! /rushes into burning home /emerges with housecat
	FrightenedWoman: gasp My player piano!
	ZumayaMyLord: aw man
	Online Host Welcome to the Detroit Tigers In Real Life Chatroom!
	ClevlenIndians: psssssh that ain't what happened
	ZumayaMyLord: what do you mean that ain't what happened that is completely what happened
	ClevlenIndians: pssssh that ain't what happened at all, you just hurt your shoulder playing Guitar Hero again
	ZumayaMyLord: Go fish!
	ClevlenIndians: tryin' to beat "the metal" on expert, getting upset that your pinky doesn't move in 35 directions at once, throwing the guitar-shaped controller at your television at 104 mph
	ZumayaMyLord: Says you!
	ClevlenIndians: gettin' 100% on mississippi queen on your first try without having ever heard the song before, gettin' cocky goin' into slayer, losing at slayer 30 times
	ClevlenIndians: literally setting your arm on fire with a bic lighter to get through the solo, forgettin' about the differences between fantasy and reality
	ClevlenIndians: playin' a childrens game well into adulthood
	ZumayaMyLord: Nuh- ... none of those things are true! /massages hand and my pinky is fine it's just my carpal tunnel syndrome acting up from saving that woman's burning washer and dryer...
	ClevlenIndians: hey Eulogio de la Cruz, tell Matt from X-Entertainment here about how poor and Spanish everything is in the Dominican Republic, show him a thing or two about appreciating adulthood
	ClevlenIndians: this'll learn ya one
	FuneralOnAShip: /nods /smiles broadly si, si
	FuneralOnAShip: Your pinky gets sore at first just because you're not used to using it so much. But once you get to the point that you're using orange frets (which shouldn't come until hard, not medium, unless Neversoft messed that up too), you should move your hand down so your pinky is on the orange and you can use your index finger to cover yellow and green. It's a lot less stressful than trying to cover two frets with your pinky.
	ZumayaMyLord: what
	ClevlenIndians: what
	FuneralOnAShip: que