**Online Host**
Welcome to the Oakland Athletics Concerns Chatroom!

Oakami: I'm expecting much better than a .500 season.

fLORIdA: /whispers in ear

Oakami: Look, at the end of the day, it's where you finish, but you've got to have a platform to get there.

Oakami: Last year was a disappointment for me, not because the players didn't try, but we had so many things that didn't work out.

fLORIdA: /whisper whisper

Oakami: I think we'll do better in '08 than '07. If we stayed with what we had, on paper it might have looked terrific, but then you're doing nothing; you're not proactive.

Oakami: In the interest of BEING proactive we removed the best pitcher and best hitter from our 2007 team, Mark Kotsay is being sent to the Atlanta Braves, Huston Street and Joe Blanton will be gone before the season starts, and we've sent Milton Bradley over to Kansas City in the hopes that he will drown to death in the fountains of Kaufmann Stadium.

Oakami: Additionally, all references to Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco have been removed from our team history. Dennis Eckersley will be shaved skull dry, Rollie Fingers' biplane will be shot down, and Dave Stewart will be kept in a jar until further notice.

fLORIdA: /whisper whisper whisper

Oakami: /checks papers

Rap artist MC Hammer will be removed as bat boy and replaced by a deserving youth. The Athletics elephant, with his negative connotations of obesity and tramplings, will be replaced by a man holding but not swinging a baseball bat.

Oakami: The signature colors of green and yellow will be replaced by new signature colors of gray and gray, and the Athletics will play home games in a warehouse with minimal interference from crates and barrels.

Oakami: To attend games, fans will have to leave money in a box outside of this warehouse and hope that I decide to let them see the baseball.

Oakami: /checks papers

fLORIdA: *coughyouthmovementcough*

Oakami: Oh, yes, just to let everybody know, this is both a rebuilding year and a youth movement. We'll be very competitive and, with a little luck, will win more games than people are anticipating, including four World Series games in a row and several more upon completion of the season, such is my understanding of how uh, of how this all works.

Oakami: To recap, everyone is gone and we will win 500 games.

Oakami: /begins to shuffle away

**Online Host**
fLORIdA has handed Oakami an index card.

Oakami: oh, and one more thing

/reads from index card

Oakami: "in conclusion, dontrelle willis can kiss an ass"

/looks up from card confused

MeTrain: aw hell naw