Clemens Hearing Report Card: Roger Clemens

The Clemens hearing is over now, and the assorted parties have retreated. The Clemens Hearing Report Card will assess the key players' performances in a way that has about as much to do with baseball as the hearing itself. Next up: Roger Clemens!

It's quite likely, had Roger Clemens not decided to wage mortal war with Brian McNamee after the Mitchell Report's findings were released, that today's needless, useless spectacle would never have happened. Then again, congressmen like their airtime, so perhaps they would have found a way around the whole "Why?" question pretty easily. After all, they didn't exactly answer it well today.

Instead, Clemens was the one answering questions and, after final consideration ... eesh.

It's always inherently unfair to expect a professional athlete to be eloquent and rhetorically organized; those are not qualities required to excel at baseball, and thus are skills that go undeveloped from the age of, say, 13 or so. But even on that tilted scale, Roger Clemens' presentation today was difficult to watch. One notable example: the pitcher was visibly lost during Rep. John Tierney's first line of questioning about Clemens' wife and HGH. The representative was right: Clemens' explanation for not knowing about his wife and Andy Pettitte's HGH use, despite alleged conversations to the contrary, seems pretty difficult to believe.

It wasn't just Clemens' fault, though. Even his opening statement -- no doubt prepared for him by his lawyers -- made him look pompous, arrogant, blind to his own faults, and, frankly, delusional. Clemens said the only thing he was guilty of was "being too nice to people." If that doesn't sound like a teenage girl's "It's not my fault I'm so pretty," I don't know what does. Clemens' lawyers couldn't have done any better? They couldn't have written something less self-interested without admitting their client's steroid use?

This would be bad enough if Clemens had faced an angry panel. Instead, with the exception of most of the Democrats on the panel -- including Chairman Henry Waxman, who was clearly out to get Clemens -- Roger got lobbed a bevy of softballs from sympathetic parties. He rarely did anything with them.

Plus, he doesn't know what a vegan is. Which, given his boorish Texan nature, is funny on so many stereotypical grounds they need not even be outlined. Tough outing for the Rocket.

Roger Clemens: D

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

2-13-2008 @ 8:24PM

Richard Sanders said...

Why do you even waste your time? We all know you hate Clemens and what him to rot in jail. Your reporting on this issue has been as one sided and as aggressive as the chairmans question. Clemens will never get a fair shake because of the way the media reported on this story from day one.

2-13-2008 @ 9:11PM

Robert said...

Richard:

Stop drinking the cool aid! Clemens is as guilty as they come. Anyone with an objective bone in their body can see it! Do you actually believe McNamee was telling the truth about Andy and Knoblauch, but lying about Roger?

2-13-2008 @ 9:26PM

Jerry said...

I think this whole thing is rediculus that they would go this far and destroy people who have dedicated thier lives to be the best at something.
Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds are not crimals, they just wanted to be the best at what they do! If anyone is the crimal it's Brian McNamee! He's the one who did the dealing and yet the focus is on Clemens! I wonder why they would make such a fuss. I didn't even see this much stink over the Enron Bums that made thousands of people lose alot of money!

2-13-2008 @ 10:44PM

Bugs Bunny said...

Jeesh - this reminds me of the Bugs Bunny baseball cartoon - Clemens is the juiced up 'roid-raging pitcher. Clemens - you're out.

O and by the way Jerry - nice ethics. Have fun watching cyborgs playing in the 21st century. Oh - and stick with your PED terminators and HGH ab-ripped, saline-enhanced blow-up dolls. Good for you - have fun!

Personally - I'll stick with another Joltin' Joe and lucious 140 lb. Marilyn Monroe. I want to see mano y mano - it's much more subtle, interesting and - well - for lack of a better word - HUMAN.

2-14-2008 @ 3:20AM

jimalbertson101 said...

This is really funny

http://www.theweeklydonut.com/index.php/2008/02/13/waxing-on-all-the-bullsht/

2-14-2008 @ 5:31AM

BULLDOG8762 said...

Truth be told, Clemens may have or may not have used it, who cares???? They only thing he can be charge of is of Perjury to the committee if it comes to that. THE QUESTION IS....WHERE DO THEY GET THE HGH AND STEROIDS, WHO PROVIDES THEM AND WHO ADMINISTERS THEM???? THATS ILLEGAL. Stop going against one of the many users. The provider, and I am not talking about Mcnamee, I am talking about the one that gave it to Mcnamee and could give it to young athlete. That should be the whole point of the commission.

2-14-2008 @ 10:26AM

TOM said...

I think some of the representitives wanted to hear Roger admit that "HE ORDERED THE CODE RED!!" and that
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!" statements.
Well, I guess, only in the movies. The Rocket didn't break but still looked un-convincing and the replies to some questions seemed implausible.
Thanks for the 4 hour soap opera...to be continued...