Spring Dugz: Pittsburgh Pirates

The Pittsburgh Pirates are going to right a wrong in the sports world this season. After the New England Patriots same so close to an undefeated season only to lose it all in the final moments, the Pirates are going to conquer the world of baseball and go 162-0 with the team they have and the power of dreams!

And if they lose? Well, all the kids on the hipster t-shirt circuit get a "161-1" yellow and black novelty tee.

On today's Spring Dugz (are we seriously calling it that), we take step one on the year-long journey toward destiny with the Pittsburgh Pirates. And hey, we managed to get this one done without throwing in the mascot!

The Dugout

	RussellMania: Wait /shuffles papers Are we in a keeper league this season? This is basically the exact same team as last year.
	CappsLock: I LIKE IT. I THINK IT'S A GREAT SIGN OF COMMITTMENT. THE PIRATES BELIEVE IN WHAT WE CAN DO AND AS THE PIRATES WE ALSO BELIEVE WHAT WE CAN DO, AND HENCEFORTH WILL PROBABLY DO IT
	LaRocheMotel: There's no doubt in my mind we all can get better, including myself. And I think we will. I like the direction this team is headed in, just like I did last year.
	RussellMania: You went from 67 wins in 2006 to 68 wins in 2007.
	LaRocheMotel: Yep! And by that math it is an impossibility that our young pitchers win any fewer than 75 games this year!
	RussellMania: No, by that math we'll win 69 games this year, be back up to .500 by 2022, and be undefeated long after we are all dead.
	NewYorksNotMaholm: We have all the tools necessary. It's a rebuilding year.
	RussellMania: What tools?
	NewYorksNotMaholm: Hammers, hard hats, a bunch of girders. I said we were rebuilding.
	RussellMania: You've been rebuilding since 1992. How long does it take to build?
	NewYorksNotMaholm: welp, /looks up, wipes brow
	CappsLock: WHAT PART OF "WE SIGNED DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ TO A MINOR LEAGUE CONTRACT" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
	RussellMania: I don't even know how to say that guy's name.
	CappsLock: IT'S PRONOUNCED "MIENTKIEWICZ"
	LaRocheMotel: John, I think you understand what we're building and why we're building it, but not "how." You see, sometime in the late 90s the Pirates stopped using manpower to rebuild and switched to an entirely faith based enterprise.
	RussellMania: come again?
	LaRocheMotel: We've got the hard hats and we've got the girders, but we have no practical knowledge of how to put them together. If we send Jason Bay over there and ask him to lift a girder, he's going to throw out his back or crush himself to death.
	LaRocheMotel: Have you ever been crushed to death, John? It's not a pleasant feeling.
	CappsLock: IT HAPPENED TO US 94 TIMES LAST YEAR
	LaRocheMotel: But if we have FAITH and truly believe that the girders will eventually get moved and formed we have a goal, a motivation, and a passionate reasoning for the rest of our lives.
	NewYorksNotMaholm: plus we don't have to do anything or try hard to change and grow
	RussellMania: So we're the Christianity of baseball teams?
	LaRocheMotel: Yes, except that we never win.
	RussellMania: All right! Well, 69 games, here we come! /looks around is Jason Bay here?
	NewYorksNotMaholm: yep, right over there
	RussellMania: where?
	NewYorksNotMaholm: under the girder
	RussellMania: Oh. Well, uh, where is Doug... Mientkiewicz?
	RussellMania: oh yes that was suprisingly easy to pronounce