Spring Dugz: Houston Astros

You mess with the fat old bull you get the fat old horns!

Today the Dugout continues its Spring Training tradition and its center-of-the-Earth-like journey through the NL Central with the Houston Astros, a team so into media coverage that you'd almost forget they play baseball.

I like to think that Clemens is just a fan of Larry David and is doing this as an artistic homage to getting in trouble at work, quitting dramatically, and then just showing up the next day like nothing happened. Either that or he is just SO GUILTY that his body can't handle it and his guilt is seeping out of him and turning him into a giant Tetsuo monster. Either way, "hey guys, the Astros."

The Dugout

	Manzilla: This is it, gentlemen. Spring training with the Houston Astros. A chance to test our skills against the best of the big leagues.
	TheFloresLava: And think about it... Houston traded away so many of its prized prospects that we're IT, man, we're the double-A batteries that the spaceship runs on. We're the most important people here.
	SelfService: you got it dudes that's why i photoshopped the cityscape behind my picture, to show a little "love of self"
	Manzilla: Did you ever think we'd make it this far, Selfie? Back when we were riding from town to town on a train?
	SelfService: i love trains
	TheFloresLava: Look at those photographers standing in the parking lot. Who among them will snap that first iconic photo of Josh Flores crushing balls out of the park in spring training? The one that defines the man and the sport?
	Manzilla: Maybe one of the sports writers will take me under his wing and tell everyone he knows about how this Tommy Manzella kid has really "got what it takes" to make it in the bigs.
	SelfService: then maybe when you have pull in the bigs you can "help your self"
	TheFloresLava: All right everybody, they're moving around now, try not to look nervous. If you look nervous they're going to write you off as a nobody and you'll be in Corpus Christi for the rest of your life.
	SelfService: /takes off hat, wipes brow
	Manzilla: /takes practice swing /remembers the first time his dad showed him how to swing a bat
	TheFloresLava: /breathes out a quiet prayer
	Online Host OldLOL has emerged from his S.U.V.
	BritneysPeers: ROGER ROGER OVER HERE, ROGER snap snap snap snap
	OldLOL: /shields eyes /well, kind of. He puts his arms up to shield his eyes but gets tired about halfway up and just forgets about it
	BritneysPeers: ROGER THE STEROIDS, THE STEROIDS HAVE YOU EVER NEVER NOT DID THEM snap snap snap
	OldLOL: there's a big league team to the left i think
	Manzilla: /smiles from ear to ear
	TheFloresLava: /holds breath
	OldLOL: oh wait sorry those are just minor leaguers okay one picture will be fine
	BritneysPeers: snap snap snap snap snap
	OldLOL: so have you guys heard about the steroids what i want you to do is print a picture of me choking a junkie to death and write something like "ROCKET WOULD RATHER DIE THAN USE STEROIDS" at the top
	BritneysPeers: but what happens if they find out you did do steroids and lied about it?
	OldLOL: why would that happen
	OldLOL: oh you mean because of all the steroids i did wow you guys need to get a life i'm here to talk about baseball
	Online Host OldLOL has disappeared into the clubhouse.
	SelfService: this is the most disappointing trip ever, i guess i'm gonna be stuck playin' ball forever in the dead body of our lord jesus christ
	Manzilla: I know, right? I thought at least somebody here would appreciate us. In a few years we're all they're gonna have!
	MichaelTehader: excuse me, are you the new guys? I need a little help, if you've got a second.
	TheFloresLava: gaspppppp ~!!!
	Manzilla: Y-y-yes sir Mr. Tejada sir! Anything we can do to help!
	MichaelTehader: Great. I can't find the port-a-john out here and I don't want to piss on the ground, so I was wondering if you'd all get in a pile

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

3-01-2008 @ 5:12PM

Neal said...

SelfService: i love trains

You couldn't even go for "Selfie"? I know you've made similar references before!

3-01-2008 @ 5:41PM

Liza said...

"OldLOL: oh you mean because of all the steroids i did

wow you guys need to get a life i'm here to talk about baseball"

Yes.

3-02-2008 @ 12:10AM

B said...

@ Neal: I totally did make the Selfie joke. Manzella calls him Selfie in the line right before "i love trains"

not gonnna let you down on the FF humor, friend

3-05-2008 @ 7:37PM

Ah, I am apparently blind. Good show.