Spring Dugz: Cincinnati Reds

Nice Gallagher hat, Roc.

One of the most regular complaints from readers of classic G1 The Dugout is our portrayal of Dusty Baker. As the manager of the long-suffering Chicago Cubs, Dusty would often play the straight man, standing by and going "uh oh" while space shuttles fell on Kerry Wood. Cubs fans demanded we show the real Dusty, the one who is coo-coo for some sort of space coco puff, but the running gag of getting trapped in wells and being hurled into hay-balers or whatever was just too great to splinter.

Enter 2008, and Dusty Baker is the manager of the Cincinnati Reds. While there are key differences between G1 and G2 The Dugout, G2 is birthed FROM G1, so consider it fully canon and a fulfillment of your years of wishing as we continue our NL Central Spring Training Dugouts with a look at Dusty Baker without the Cubbies. What you find may shock you.

Oh who am I kidding, Dusty couldn't manage a Yu-Gi-Oh deck without burning his house down. /clicks to read more

The Dugout

	BakersDozen: /strokes chin
	ChuckJumper: What's on your mind, skip?
	BakersDozen: Oh, Walker Vaulter, I didn't see you there. Yes, hm, I was thinking about this pitcher. I'm watching what he does and making mental notes about how he can improve.
	ChuckJumper: Y'mean Bronson? He lost 15 games last year. He's one of our best!
	BakersDozen: Yeah. Well, you see how Brandon Arroyo throws with his arm like that? He's thinking too much. He's concerned with lgERA and BFP. He's got his mind on IP and W! What he needs to do is win ball games!
	ChuckJumper: Wow, you can tell all that by looking at his arm? You're like a baseball scientist!
	BakersDozen: Baseball is a human game of chess, son, and I'm the checkers-master!
	BakersDozen: Here, he's coming back to the dugout. Watch what I say to him, and how I use my observations to subtly improve his performance.
	Online Host ArroyoFlush has entered the chatroom.
	ArroyoFlush: huff... huff... what is that, 160 pitches? 165? I thought this was an autograph signing. I came to this thing in bermuda shorts!
	BakersDozen: It's just the beginning of March. You just keep throwing until your arm falls off, okay?
	ArroyoFlush: figuratively or literally
	BakersDozen: uh, I don't follow
	ArroyoFlush: do you want me to keep pitching until I hurt myself and can't pitch anymore, or do you want me to keep pitching until my arm becomes detatched from my body and falls in the dirt and I bleed to death
	BakersDozen: oh, I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me. I'm used to coaching the Cubs, where fantastic injury becomes fantastical reality. Literally will be fine.
	ArroyoFlush: but literally means
	BakersDozen: you heard me /pats Arroyo's butt
	Online Host ArroyoFlush has left the chatroom.
	BakersDozen: do you see what I did there?
	ChuckJumper: uh, no skip
	BakersDozen: Brenden wanted to contribute positively to the team, and I used my batshit insanity to make sure he hurts himself and feels bad about it.
	ChuckJumper: is that what you're supposed to be doing, skip?
	BakersDozen: As long as people keep putting Dusty Baker in charge of baseball teams he's going to do what he has to do to be Dusty Baker in charge of the baseball team.
	BakersDozen: We're on offense now and it's the sixth inning, so get the closer ready! Coco! Start warming up!
	CocoBWare: /pets kitten
	BakersDozen: Coco! /signs "start warming up you jive monkey"
	CocoBWare: /becomes enraged /signs "you don't know anything about baseball"
	BakersDozen: /flips the bird
	CocoBWare: /flips the double bird
	BakersDozen: /flips the triple bird
	ChuckJumper: whoa how did you do that
	BakersDozen: heh, my boy, this is already so much better than Chicago.
	ChuckJumper: uh coach you've enraged a monstrous ape who is sprinting over here to maul you
	BakersDozen: is Mark Prior anywhere to be found?
	ChuckJumper: I don't think so skip
	BakersDozen: /puts hands behind head /puts up feet