Spring Dugz: Chicago Cubs

The Dugout is all about character growth. From day one we've watched Kyle Farnsworth evolve from a fan-kicking sociopath into the literal onion of psychological human study he has become. We've watched Jim Thome grow from a rosy-cheeked manchild with pee on his hat into a rosy-cheeked manchild with socks on his hat. Dmitri Young has eaten Fruit by the Foot and then forgotten what Fruit by the Foot is. Seasons change, time goes on, and life ebbs and flows.

This year, the Chicago Cubs will be different, at least in the multiverse of The Dugout. Dusty Baker is in Cincinnati. Mark Prior is in San Diego. And unless Kerry Wood walks too close to an unsupervised swimming pool or something the Cubs should be a young, talented, heavy-hitting force to be reckoned with.

After the jump: The Cubbies - positive and ready for action in a world where nothing could possibly go wrong.

The Dugout

	MurtonPrince: Online Host Welcome to the Chicago Cubs 2008 Positivity Chatroom!
	MurtonPrince: I've been going into other NL Central chatrooms this Spring and all I've seen is negativity. The Astros are being overshadowed by Roger Clemens, the Pirates have given up completely, and the Cardinals are upset after finding out their wife slept with a midget and is hiding him in the kitchen.
	MurtonPrince: Up until now, the Cubs have only been a joke. But Dusty Baker is gone. Mark Prior is gone. They can't write us off as "injury lol" anymore.
	WontGetFuldAgain: I'm glad somebody said this. We won 85 games last year. We're defending NL Central champs!
	FantasticMrFox: And there's no reason we can't do it again. If we get Brian Roberts we could do even better.
	MurtonPrince: That's what I like to hear. No more typing in lowercase because we're immigrants or imbeciles. No more typing in all caps because we're rosy-cheeked manchildren or mystical weirdos. We're a baseball team, and we're the best!
	FantasticMrFox: The very best. Even Sweet Lou has mellowed out. He apologized to Jason Marquis! He's relaxed and taking things seriously this year. If he's doing that he can be the great coach the Cubs hired him to be.
	WontGetFuldAgain: These chatrooms are always so weird. I just want to sign on and have normal conversations with my peers about baseball, and sometimes... only sometimes... about life.
	Soriano_4_2004: Whew, this is such a great change of pace! How are you feeling, Sam?
	WontGetFuldAgain: Pressured, honestly. I want to contribute to the team, but to do that I've really got to impress during Spring Training. But if I play too hard I run the risk of hurting myself or making a big mistake, and if I do either of those things I'm out of luck.
	WontGetFuldAgain: This has been my dream since I played whiffle ball with my grandmother. I've got Type I Juvenile Diabetes, so it's hard enough for me already. I mean, I hey, are you okay?
	Soriano_4_2004: Oh, my finger just hurts. I'm sure it's nothing! Go on.
	WontGetFuldAgain: No seriously are you okay? Your finger looks kind of messed up. Do you need the medics to look at that?
	Soriano_4_2004: I appreciate it, but heh, I don't want to over think it. I don't want to be the guy who brings ridiculous injury to the Cubs this season!
	MurtonPrince: Hahaha, oh man, that would be unfortunate!
	Soriano_4_2004: Besides, I sent Felix out to pick up some band-aids a while ago. Come to think of it, he should be back by now. Have any of you seen Felix around?
	FantasticMrFox: No, can't say I have!
	WontGetFuldAgain: I'm sure he's fine, he'll turn up. You know Felix, always taking his time as he navigates life's comfortable normalcy!
	Soriano_4_2004: Yeah.. I'm sure you're right. /looks down at finger
	Online Host Meanwhile, in the Amazon Rainforest, Felix Pie is tied up and hanging over the Amazon River.
	PieInTheSky: time out
	KansasCityMonarch: What?!
	PieInTheSky: time out i'm really hurt
	KansasCityMonarch: This isn't freeze tag! You can't do that!
	PieInTheSky: i'm serious, i really feel sick
	RustyGreer: were are you hurt, boy
	PieInTheSky: i don't wanna say!
	LouBrock : Felix.
	PieInTheSky: my.. no-noes hurt!
	KansasCityMonarch: What the hell are "no-noes?"
	RustyGreer: that's the super adult term professional baseball players use to refer to their... genitals.
	KansasCityMonarch: Well, duh! You all should be feeling the sting in your nethers, FOR IN SECONDS the dreaded CANDIRU will seek out the tiny...
	PieInTheSky: AAAAAH
	Online Host Back in the Chicago Cubs Chatroom...
	Soriano_4_2004: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. This is going to be a prefectly normal season. /shakes out hand

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

3-06-2008 @ 1:52AM

nicholas said...

Hell yes, a Venture Brothers reference. AWESOME.

I love these, guys. Keep up the good work.

3-06-2008 @ 3:14PM

Ted Striker said...

Go Team Venture!

Fantastic, as usual.

3-06-2008 @ 5:10PM

dh said...

pie's injury came as no surprise. anyone else notice how he grabs his junk for five minutes in between pitches before readying his bat? clearly, his gear wasn't as prepared for all the grab-action of spring training as the rest of him was.