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MLB

Spring Dugz: Tampa Bay Rays

From guest writer Mike Westfall of Progressive Boink:

This is my first spring living in Florida, and accepting the Rays as my new home team would be a lot easier if the local news didn't report so rosily about it. I'm used to the gloom and doom of Philadelphia, so I'm still trying to figure out whether they mean it in a sarcastic, "Aw, that's so cute," way or not, because it sounds like some of them really, genuinely think that this could be the Rays' year for - you know what? I don't even know what for. It's like the sports reporters are live from Bizarro World.

And the more I think about it, that would explain the Rays' excellent spring performance a lot, by actually treating March like it counts.

The boys from the Bay get ready for RAYPRIL®, after the jump.


The Dugout

**Online Host** Welcome to Tampa Bay Rays Chat!
Maddon2006: All right, you Devil Ra

MovinThroughKazmir: hisssssssssss

/forms cross with index fingers

Maddon2006: Sorry, I slipped. Now look, I know you're all upset about letting our lead slip into a tie for first, but the good news is that it's with the Mets. So they only have a few more games to go before they forget what a baseball is and just hand us the Grapefruit League Championship!
percival_war: YEAH! WOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
UptonGirl: Yes! YES! We're goin' back, baby! I told y'all we'd go back!
evan_longoria: What? Back where?
MovinThroughKazmir: The playoffs, kid. We're going back to the playoffs!
evan_longoria: Seriously? You guys seriously think we've got an actual shot at the playoffs? Over the Yankees AND the Red Sox?
MovinThroughKazmir: Yeah, well, you're right. We do have a hard time losing against those two, but we should be fine against the rest of the league. Isn't that right, guys?
UptonGirl: That's right, 'cause we're the team to beat! All you gotta do is call Team to Beat at the beginning of the spring, and you're in!

percival_war: WOO! PLAYOFFS! YEAAHHHHHHH!

/dumps gatorade cooler over Maddon2006

Maddon2006: Aww awwwwwww!

Now see? I didn't want to get you guys too excited! We still have a long postseason ahead of us.

evan_longoria: wait a minute what
Maddon2006: You see, rookie, it's not over after we win the Grapefruit League. Winning the Spring Classic is great and all, but then we gotta compete in the playoffs come April.
percival_war: Hey Coach! Don't you mean RAYPRIL?
evan_longoria: I don't understand.
MovinThroughKazmir: The playoffs is a best of 162 series against the best teams in baseball.
UptonGirl: Yup! We've taken it all the way to game 162 every year in our entire decade of history!
MovinThroughKazmir: And we've even finished fifth in nine of those 10 gRAYt years!
evan_longoria: And you're proud of that?
UptonGirl: Well, we coulda finished fifth in 2004, but those dang Bluebirds just stunk more than us.
MovinThroughKazmir: Yeah, I'm not proud of that year, but hey, we still got to skip Fall Training.
UptonGirl: Oh yeah, almost forgot! If we lose enough games, we get to skip Fall Training and take a vacation!

evan_longoria: Fall train

Oh, I get it! You guys are rattling on about those backwards rules to try and trick me into thinking I got traded to that crazy Japan league, right?

Maddon2006: What? Of course not, Evan. We want you here on the Rays. We even wore our hats on our heads to make you feel more comfortable.
evan_longoria: You what?
percival_war: We did it for you, bro-van long-bro-via! We'd much rather wear our hats on our feet, and our socks on our hands!
UptonGirl: And I'd much rather swim in the sand and make castles in the ocean! That'd be delightfully mad!
MovinThroughKazmir: KAZARRO AM FROM KAZARRO WORLD
evan_longoria: Oh God. No. No not again. I thought I was over that, but
eva_longoria: What's wrong, Evan?
evan_longoria: No! You are not real! I am not seeing you right now!

eva_longoria: Aren't you excited for RAYPRIL, Evan?

Aren't you just MAD about it?

evan_longoria: AAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

percival_war: Why, I'm so mad, I compare our pitching staff to the Braves' Four Aces of the mid-'90s!

also i put cigarettes out with my crotch

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