The Dugout: No League For Old Men

Frank Thomas and Barry Bonds are looking for a home. Will you be the one to provide for them in this time of need? Your support brings food and shelter to men like Frank and Barry for only pennies a day. For only a billion pennies, every day.

Today's Dugout deals with that important moment in everybody's life when their fortunes change and they have to move on, but have absolutely no clue what the words "move" and "on" mean.

After the jump, no Anton Chigurh parodies, if you can believe it.

The Dugout

	TheBigInjured: and I was all, "I want to play," and they were all "well you're off to a slow start so you aren't gonna play," and I was all, "but I always get off to a slow start"
	TheBigInjured: so I said "I'm trying to tell you you can kiss my black ass but I'm getting off to a slow start," and then we mutually agreed that I was fired.
	GoldBonds: damn, thats cole
	TheBigInjured: Yeah, but I hated Canada anyway, the beer is overrated and I've got no idea what the hell a "saku koivu" is, so
	GoldBonds: i think its like a bag of japanese fish
	GoldBonds: its aight brother, today's job market is overflowin for middle-aged broken down african american gentlemen like ourselves
	TheBigInjured: we could always go to Oakland.
	GoldBonds: how far away is oakland
	TheBigInjured: Oakland? Oakland is right across the bay from San Francisco. You've hit homeruns into Oakland before. I think you can see it from your house.
	GoldBonds: spacial relation has nothing to do with barry bonds barry bonds dont even use a map, he just start walking confidently in to the left an ends up where he's spost to go
	TheBigInjured: I used to play in Oakland, I think you'll like it. They're... how should I put it... very accomidating to "our people."
	GoldBonds: you mean black folk
	TheBigInjured: No, I mean "guys who look like they're trying to do the Unbeatable Banzuke when they round the bases."
	TheBigInjured: hold on, I'll send Lew Wolff an invite.
	GoldBonds: aint that the guy from star fox
	TheBigInjured: no, he's the co-owner of the Oakland Athletics.
	GoldBonds: yeah well barry bonds good friend tell him to do a barrel roll an up come this fancy feline to break it up rest assured that next time our paths cross barry bonds is gonna bust him up with a land masta
	TheBigInjured: what the frank are you talking about, dude
	GoldBonds: sorry, it's been pretty boring and lonely at home
	Online Host Oakami has entered the chatroom.
	TheBigInjured: Mr. Wolff! Welcome to the chatroom!
	GoldBonds: sup jew wolf
	Oakami: Frank, you wanted to see me?
	TheBigInjured: Mr. Wolff, I've just been wished well in my future endeavors by the Toronto Blue Jays so I was hoping I could come back and play for you and the Athletics!
	TheBigInjured: As an added bonus, I'd be bringing with me Home Run King Barry Bonds!
	Oakami: eyes light up Why...why that's the best news I've ever heard! I was looking for two more starting outfielders and you'd both be so perfect!
	TheBigInjured: Oh, well sir, I'm not sure we'd be a great fit in the outfield, you see, I'm a career first baseman/DH and we've both had some health problems relating to our age, so...
	GoldBonds: i want to play "bench man" position starting bench man of course
	Oakami: No no no, it'll be perfect, you'll be the cornerstones of my New Look Outfield, alongside our newest aquisition...
	EvansFarmsBeets: hey guys
	TheBigInjured: Dwight Evans?
	GoldBonds: damn dwight evans what happen to you, you straight up look like hey yo miyazaki
	EvansFarmsBeets: Oh, it's nothing big, it's just that I'm super old. But, heh, I can't turn down a dollar!
	TheBigInjured: hahaha, I know, we are all so old
	GoldBonds: did somebody say a dollar

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

4-21-2008 @ 7:52PM

KingGreat said...

I'd like to see any of them attepmt...beeep beeep booop beeeep....Daruma 7!! Barry already handled the Bamboo Derby back when he had those skinny legs in Pittsburgh