The Dugout: Jim Thome Hunts for Underage Ass Part 1

In tonight's second Dugout, Kyle Farnsworth breaks up with his wife after she finds out he's been secretly sleeping with Trisha Yearwood. No, wait, Dontrelle Willis finds out that the Oakridge Boys have traded away Duane Allen and equates it similarly to trading ones own brain. No, wait, Dmitri Young chokes the hell out of Tammy Wynette.

Or, this. After the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Grand Canyon Chatroom!
	WordUpThome: GREAT GOOGLED MOOGLY WHAT A VIEW
	WordUpThome: AND TO THINK THE ARIZONA D-BAGS GET THIS GRAM CANYON ALL YEAR LONG I BET IT IS EVEN DEEPER AND WIDER THAN RANDY JOHNSON AND THE MEAT TREE YOUNG COMBINED
	WordUpThome: HEY SHERPA THIS IS JI
	WordUpThome: JIM THOME
	SherpaImage: Yes Mr. Thome, what can I do for you?
	WordUpThome: COULD YOU POINT OUT THE EXACT SPOT WHEREUPON THE WILEY COYOTE PLUMMETED TO CERTAIN DOOM THANKS TO THAT MEEPING OSTRITCH
	SherpaImage: Haha, well, I'm not sure if the Looney Tune you're referring to ever explicity fell into the Grand Canyon, but if that was the case he could've and most certainly did die emphatically all along this rocky cliffside.
	WordUpThome: AND IS THIS THE TRAMP-O-LINE WHAT ACTED AS A HAMMER TO NAIL SAID CY-OTE TO INTO THE EARTH
	SherpaImage: No Mr. Thome, that's a donkey.
	DonkKong: honk hee honk hee
	WordUpThome: WHAT DID THAT HORSE JUST CALL ME
	DonkKong: hoooonk hee!
	WordUpThome: THERE HAS GOT TO BE A MORE PLEASANT WAY TO GREET THIS MULE
	SherpaImage: This is our donkey "George," he can be rented and ridden to the bottom of the Canyon.
	WordUpThome: IS HIS LAST NAME "JEFFERSON"
	DonkKong: hee haw hee haw
	WordUpThome: SHUT UP YOU- YOU-
	WordUpThome: WHAT SLUR IS MOST APT FOR A DONKY
	SherpaImage: You're trying to slur the donkey? You've always had such a great reputation, I didn't think you were that kind of guy.
	WordUpThome: EVER SINCE THAT UMPIRE CALLED A BALL A STRIKE THIS OL' FLUSTERED PIE HAS BEEN ALL RILED UP
	WordUpThome: DO YOU WANT TO GET INTO A FIGHT
	SherpaImage: Uh, no sir, of course not...were uh, were you interested in renting a donkey?
	WordUpThome: I WERE INTERESTED IN RENTING A DONKEY WHAT IS THE DAMAGE
	SherpaImage: To rent this donkey is 150 dollars. He's a prime specimen and will carry you up and down the Canyon without issue.
	WordUpThome: I'M AFRAID THE DAMAGE IS QUITE SEVERE
	WordUpThome: WHAT ABOUT THAT SMALLER WHITER DONKEY OVER THERE HE IS LIKE THE DAVID ECKSTEIN OF DONKS
	DonkKongJr: baaaa
	SherpaImage: Oh, oh you can't rent that donkey, that donkey is too young, that's against our regulations.
	WordUpThome: NO THAT DONKEY IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR, HOW MUCH DOES IT COST I HAVE A FEDERAL EXPRESS PACKAGE FULL OF MONEY, DO YOU ACCEPT THAT
	SherpaImage: I'm sorry, it's just not morally sound. I don't think that poor young thing could even support your body weight.
	WordUpThome: WHAT IF I PROMISED TO COME BACK EVERY SUMMER FOR TEN YEARS AND RE-RIDE THE BABY DONKEY WHAT IF I RODE THE DONKEY TO LAS VEGAS BUT NOT AS TRANSPORTATION, AS FRIENDS
	SherpaImage: I... don't see how that would help, I mean...
	WordUpThome: I BET THE DONKEY DOESN'T STAY THAT SMALL FOREVER I BET WHEN HE GETS OLDER AND STOPS BEING RENTED OUT HE EATS TOO MUCH GRAIN AND GAINS WEIGHT AND HIS FACE GETS ALL MESSED UP
	WordUpThome: HOW ABOUT I RIDE THIS DONKEY TO THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAM CANYON NOW AND YOU KEEP QUIET ABOUT IT
	WordUpThome: AND WHEN MY WIFE ASKS YOU WHAT HAPPENED ON JIMBOS VACATION YOU TELL HER THAT THE GRAM CANYON WAS FILLED UP WITH ROCKS AND I WAS SO SAD ABOUT IT I WENT AND RAISED AN ORPHANAGE
	SherpaImage: Oh! Oh, I see what you're doing! You're doing a whole "Roger Clemens" thing. I get it. Ha, for a second I thought you were being straight-up weird about the donkey.
	WordUpThome: WHAT DID ROGER CLEMENS GET TO RIDE THE UNDER-AGED ASS
	SherpaImage: In so many words.
	WordUpThome: OH MERCY /lifts up donkey's tail, points THAT GUY IS THIS RIGHT HERE