Nick Swisher Exploring Other Facial Hair Hues

The White Sox, and Nick Swisher in particular, are doing their absolute best to foster the sort of idiot culture the Red Sox used to their apparent advantage in 2004. In a clubhouse commanded by Ozzie Guillen and populated by a crude-but-still-kind-of-funny sex doll, they're doing a pretty decent job. Now all they need to do is win. Gulp.

Oh, and facial hair! Yeah, facial hair is totally key, which is why Swisher and Co. have been rocking that hot mess of blond stubble throughout the season. If you want to be a "Grinder", and play "Ozzieball"/"Smallball"/"Smartball", you have to have silly facial hair. Fortunately, Swisher, John Danks and Toby Hall are going to put all that looking stupid to a cause other than looking stupid by dyeing their hair pink in honor of breast cancer research (and Mother's Day). They'll also be making a donation to Bear Necessities Pediatric Cancer Foundation on behalf of the White Sox.

This is excellent news. Excellent news for cancer research, excellent news for Moms everywhere, and excellent news for those of us who just couldn't get enough of Scott Spezio's fuscia style. Whatever happened to Scott Spiezio, anyway?