The Dugout: This Week in Baseball

THIS

IS WHERE THE POWER LIIIIIIES

Join host Mel Allen as he takes a look back at the stories that mattered in the world of Major League Baseball this week on "This Week in Baseball," conveniently presented in the form of a chatroom transcript for those of you reading AOL Sports' "Fanhouse" blog, and presented in HD on certain cable systems you live nowhere even close to getting.

/TWIB opening music

The Dugout

	MelallenDrive: Hello there everybody, I'm Mel Allen, and welcome to the This Week in Baseball Chatroom!
	MelallenDrive: The Washington Nationals weren't around when I was alive, and even I know they're terrible! But this week, Coach Manny got his "Acta" together!
	Online Host Welcome to the Washington Nationals Chatroom!
	ActaFool: Now Nick, don't struggle, you're just going to make things worse.
	NickStickly: But it tick-ullllllls /squirms
	Online Host SteakGrowsOnDmitri has entered the chatroom.
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: look at lil nick, gettin he ass whoop by some lil indian lady
	ActaFool: That's our team massuese, Dmitri, she's here to help straighten out the backs of all the fat people on this team. You're up next.
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ma' seuss huh /looks her up and down
	Masseuse: /starts to feel kind of weird about things
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay manny, she gone end my massage wit a fun dip
	ActaFool: you aren't talking about the candy with the straws, are you
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: nope
	ActaFool: Dmitri, this woman is a licensed massage-therapist, we have nothing but respect for her and her profession, so if you're suggesting that she'd-
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ease up, you think i some kind a ape from magilla to disrespec a woman like that n***a please, i'm a grown ass man
	ActaFool: My apologies!
	Masseuse: Please lay down on the table!
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aight bitch but when you finish you betta finish wit a happy ending
	NickStickly: Oh, you mean like when the good guys win and the boy and girl get married and live happily ever after?
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: haha nope
	MelallenDrive: how about that!
	MelallenDrive: Things weren't so happy this week over in Chicago, where the White Sox ran into some controversy in the clubhouse!
	Online Host Welcome to the Chicago White Sox Chatroom!
	WordUpThome: WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE DOING TO THESE BALLOON LADIES
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: Don't get bent out of shape about it, it's a harmless joke, I'm trying to get us out of this slump.
	BlowUpDoll: /humps ineffectually in the presence of Bobby Jenks
	WordUpThome: COULDN'T WE JUST TAKE MORE BATTING PRACTICE
	WordUpThome: HEY LOOK MR. GUILLEN THE BOY VERSION LOOKS LIKE YOU
	MelallenDrive: how about also that!
	MelallenDrive: Up next, This Week in Baseball takes a look back at the 1980s, when baseball wasn't so much about sex jokes, with star pitcher Roger Clemens!
	Online Host Welcome to the Circa 1988 Or So Chatroom!
	28LOL: so you want me to do what, exactly
	MillionDollarMan: Well the answer to that is simple, Roger Clemens! I want you to hurt the Barber in a way that the Million Dollar can't... by hurting his heart!
	28LOL: and why am i doing this again
	LesserWorksOfVirgil: /opens fed ex package /fans out large wad of dollar bills
	MillionDollarMan: Because everybody's got a price! HAHAHAHAH!
	Online Host EXT. Brutus Beefcake's home. Everything is peaceful and quiet, until, suddenly...
	28LOL: /rushes out of front door wearing nothing but a towel
	WeightGain4000: /gives chase with enormous pair of scissors
	MelallenDrive: in addition to what we've already seen, how about that
	MelallenDrive: Before we go, let's take a look into the New York Yankees Clubhouse, a clubhouse I can count on to provide a non-sexual, non-violent image for the fans this week.
	Online Host Welcome to the New York Yankees Chatroom!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /eye twitches
	CaesersButthole: Niko! My cousin! I can't believe you're here! Welcome to America!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: zdravo burazeru
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i mean wait, what
	CaesersButthole: We're going to the top, Niko. Soon, even you will forget about the old country.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /shakes head hokum crow how long have i been playen this f*cken game
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey rod, werent we spost to be playen the indians tonight where is everybody, where am i spost to go
	E5_rod: GET TO THE BANK IN PALOMINO CREEK
	MelallenDrive: In conclusion, "how about that"
	MelallenDrive: yes, how about all of that /looks around
	MelallenDrive: ah well, I guess bein' dead isn't so bad