Special note for Fanhouse regulars: Today's Dugout is taken from a story that happened a few days ago, so if you're the type who can only process immediately new information please direct your attention to whatever shows up above this posting.

Now! Earlier this week we learned an important lesson: If Albert Pujols hits a line drive into the middle of your face and it not only doesn't kill you, but you can wake up the next morning without any mental retardation, you are immortal. Chris Young should throw himself off the side of a building to see if it stuck, and if it did, he should use his newfound powers to fight crime in the old city. Oh, and as a secondary note, if you SEE Pujols hit a line drive that hits somebody in the middle of the face, don't stand in front of him when he's trying to run. It's not going to end well for you. Just move out of the way. You might get the business from your teammates or booed by the fans, but at least you'll be able to move around for the next eight weeks.

After the jump, old news and its new lessons.