Baseball Is Boring: Cubs-Dodgers Live Blog

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.

Of all our culture's shopworn clichés, my least favorite might be the "Pay your respects to Martin Luther King/Presidents/veterans/war dead by barbecuing/buying things!" number. The intended aim is to sneer at our disingenuous celebration of these holidays, but this sentiment is so well-worn that those who contribute it are, in fact, the same people about whom they are sneering. It's an impressive feat of self-effacement and intentional irony for an entire populace to pull off, but I'm still sick and tired of it, and I, for one, refuse to indulge you.

Oh, screw it. What Better Way To Honor Our Fallen Heroes Than To Read A Live Blog Of A Baseball Game? Cubs and Dodgers, at Wrigley, after the jump.



THE ESSENTIALS
The Cubs (29-21) start Ryan Dempster (5-2, 2.70 ERA).
The Dodgers (26-23) start Chad Billingsley (4-5, 3.76 ERA).

ANALYSIS
A Cub vs. a Los Angeles Dodger. Since the cub's mother is apparently not in the picture, and a bear would never stray far from her cub, we have to conclude that this cub has been displaced. "Dodger" is derived from "trolley dodger", a colloquialism for residents of Brooklyn. Since these Dodgers have moved to Los Angeles, they have also been displaced from their intended habitat. Given these factors, it's a toss-up.

PREDICTION
Cubs 6, Dodgers 5, 11 innings.

QUICK NOTE ABOUT THIS LIVE BLOG
From here forth, my banal and worthless commentary can be read in the box below. It updates much like a one-way instant messenger conversation does, which means you do not need to keep refreshing the page. Feel free to comment in the box at the bottom -- if your sentiment is funny or poorly-informed enough, I may just post it in the blog. Enjoy!