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- Jon Bois
- Jon Bois is a FanHouse Blogger

I think I know why
Dmitri Young was compelled to
run his ass off during yesterday's game against the
Brewers. For an athlete, he sure doesn't run around very much, and he is still able to keep his body weight from vaulting him into the lofty pantheon of fellows who have to be carted around in a trailer. He's spent most of the season on the disabled list, and I assume he elected to make up his burned-calorie quota in the span of ten seconds.
That video really is something. It's as if he was punching the ground with every step. The man was born with four arms and no legs.
Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: mmph
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**OnlineHost** Dmitri Young has hit the ball against the center field wall.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ah s***
i ain runnin
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GoodGasMileage: c'mon man it aint runnin its just punchin the earth with ya legs
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: what the erf done ta me
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GoodGasMileage: i dunno but they call it "mother earth"
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ha
taste it bitch
/deliberately stomps to first
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /pant pant pant
wwwwwoof
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TheFreshPrince: Dmitri! How's it going, man?
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aight
jus kick the mother erf in she uglies
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TheFreshPrince: Huh.
You look a little winded, man. Have you been eating okay? What did you have for lunch today?
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: salads
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TheFreshPrince: Good choice. What kind of salad? Have a recipe? I'm always looking for new stuff to try.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aight
get ya 12 white castles an 20 egg yolks, put them s***s in a blender
pour it over 12 of them peep candies
its called "dmitri youngs haul ass energy salad" an if ya aint cite me ill cook ya an eat ya in a gravy
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TheFreshPrince: Man, you should consider going vegetarian.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: what in the f*** is
oh is that just chicken bones an milk
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TheFreshPrince: It's a meat-free lifestyle.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: WHAT IN THE F*** IS A LIFESTYLE
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TheFreshPrince: "Vegetarian" means no meat. Just fruits, vegetables, grains, stuff like that. I feel great with all that stuff in my body.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: wh
hol this fa me
/pulls 5-gallon jar of sugar out of back pocket
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TheFreshPrince: Why?
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: brb
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /runs to second
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /runs to third
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /barrels home
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barbie_and_kendall: What is this idiot doing? HOME THROW IT HOME
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HomePlateUmp: oh my god
uh, home run
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barbie_and_kendall: What? That's a live ball, are you kidding me?
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HomePlateUmp: home run, end of game, end of season, get your ass the hell out of the way
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /rounds home, runs back toward first
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**OnlineHost** The wind sheer has blown Jason Kendall into the stands.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: huff huff huff huff huff
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TheFreshPrince: /stands on first base holding jar of sugar
welp
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: huff huff huff huff you dumb you dumb you dumb youdumb youdumb youdumb youdumb youdumbyoudumbyoudumbyoudumb youdumbyoudumbyoudumbYOUDUMB
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**OnlineHost** Dmitri Young has collided into Prince Fielder with 93 tons of pound-force.
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**OnlineHost** Prince Fielder and the jar of sugar have been compromised at the molecular level and re-bonded.
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**OnlineHost** The right side of the infield is peppered with fun-size "Blue's Clues" fruit snacks.
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri:
i jus made ya inta fruit snacks
becaus im really SMART!
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: a clue a clue
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /devours bag of fruit candy, does not unwrap
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Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
This is the absolute funniest thing I've read in a long time. And I just finished two vonneguts. I'm quite literally sitting in my house at midnight crying because this was so goddamn funny.
dmitri young is the new jim thome, yet he's entirely his opposite.
somehow excellent!
"Taste it bitch"
hahahahahahahahahahaha!
I'm doing my damndest not to laugh out loud in a coffeeshop. Bravo, Jon Bois.