Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.
Josh Hamilton has been through a lot, and by now we're all familiar with the story. Guy hits baseball, guy gets $4 million signing bonus, guy kills own grandmother to score horse, guy goes to church a few times, guy hits baseball. I love the guy, honestly. Him, Dmitri Young, Elijah Dukes, Chorizo the racing hot dog; these are all athletes who have had to overcome adversity to continue their careers. It just makes them more interesting to me. They're human, you know? And when they do well it makes the game almost surreal. You're actually able to witness somebody turn their life around live on TV. It gives you motivation to improve your own life. And to suck H out of your OD'd buddy's veins just for the taste.
THE ESSENTIALS
The Rangers (27-27) start Kason Gabbard (1-1, 4.34 ERA)
The Rays (31-21) start Matt Garza (3-1, 4.06 ERA)
ANALYSIS
A Ray is a big floppy punan. It can't really do anything to harm me. I certainly don't see any around. Rangers are Chuck Norris joke. This also tends to remind me of the south and how annoying the culture is there. Granted a dude with a gun could shred a Ray. Even if he were in water he could probably water-punch the thing into submission. Or maybe he could just ride it around like Mario Galaxy. Yeah that sounds much more fun.
PREDICTION
Rangers over Rays 8-5.
QUICK NOTE ABOUT THIS LIVE BLOG
From here forth, our banal and worthless commentary can be read in the box below. It updates much like a one-way instant messenger conversation does, which means you do not need to keep refreshing the page. Feel free to comment in the box at the bottom -- if your sentiment is funny or poorly-informed enough, we may just post it in the blog. Enjoy!
