The Dugout: Grand Theft Ponson

When the Rangers released northpaw manimal Sidney Ponson a couple of weeks ago, I rightly predicted that he would he would be captured and employed by another team within a month's time. I wrongly predicted the team, but the fact remains: we have not seen the last of this feral lump; this undomesticated Grendel.

In this morning's Dugout, Ponson becomes acquainted with his new Yankee teammates.

Sidney Ponson is horrible.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Yankees Clubhouse Nighttime Chat!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /furiously mashes controller ok ive run over this police for 5 wichita minutes and he has not spawnt a grenade
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: los policías no llevan las granadas
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what look up some cheat codes
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: si /types into laptop
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: encontré un código que freza un helicóptero delante de usted
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why do you talk like that, did you try to build the tower of babel did you fall off an break yer noggin on a lime stone
	e5_rod: EES SAYINK THAT JOO CAN GET A HELIGOPTER
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wwwwh how
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: 359-555-0100
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /pulls up cell phone console, types in numbers whoa, a chopper just spawnt on top o some ne'er-do-jerk
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /climbs video game persona into helicopter, steers rotors into pedestrians
	e5_rod: ARE JOO EVEN PLAYINK A MISSION
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah, it's callt "dont get all butt-hurt when kyle 'traffic an weather together' farnsworth gives these toms and mollys their only desserts" im about to complete it
	OnlineHost A series of rustles and grunts are heard from across the clubhouse.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: quit adjustin yer junk so loud, i'm tryen to chop this fat man into f***en sinews
	e5_rod: ITS NOT ME SOMETHINKS MOVINK OFER THERE
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: sí, cuál es ese ruido
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well go see what the frick it is i would but i have to try something /stares at screen without expression as police officer is violently maimed
	e5_rod: /tiptoes to source of grunts /lifts curtain from metal cage
	Ponson1LegAtATime: GRAAAAAAAAAA
	e5_rod: AAAAAAHH
	e5_rod: AAAAAAHH
	e5_rod: AAAAAAHH
	Ponson1LegAtATime: /knaws on deer clavicle
	e5_rod: AAAAAAHH
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /does not avert eyes from screen oh yeah is that xmas ham still maken a ruckus
	e5_rod: THE WHAT
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah manager joe had his cage wheelt in here in the wii hours of the mornen yesterday gave me $10 to keep my pie hold shut
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: saven it for a sega vr /throws molotov cocktail in general direction of passing jet liner
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey maybe he knows some cheats hey you bumpus hound you know any cheat codes for "gran theft auto: the revenge of wu zi moi"
	Ponson1LegAtATime: aah? /brutishly slaps own face with paws aaaaaaahh
	e5_rod: WHADS HE DOEENK
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: he's searchen through his data-base i bet he has a tortured past an knows how to spawn a machine gun penis in video games
	Ponson1LegAtATime: 227-555-0100 227-555-0133 227-555-0100 227-555-0399
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: good job pink norbit /enters codes
	OnlineHost The game has spawned a rocket launcher, a Millennium Falcon, three Harrier jets, a suitcase nuke, and an enormous flying penis that fires cluster bombs.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whoa whoa
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok /runs to nearest pedestrian
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch
	Ponson1LegAtATime: /yells at screen in excitement OOG OOG OOG OOG AAAG
	Ponson1LegAtATime: /throws deer sternum through bars of cage
	OnlineHost The deer sternum has hit Edwar Ramirez in the eye.
	3dw4r_r4m1r3z: aaaahh ¡los anteojos no hacen nada!