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MLB

Wahoo! Messenger: 10 Little Indians Part 1

Posted Jun 21, 2008 3:35PM By B. Thompson Stroud (RSS feed)

Filed Under: Cleveland, Indians, AL Central, The Dugout

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The Cleveland Indians are struggling, and things keep getting worse. Players are going down to injuries left and right, the White Sox are at the top of the division, and if they don't pay attention they could end up behind Detroit AND Kansas City. So what's the cause? Who is to blame?

Well, Yankees Chick blames Kyle Farnsworth. Matt Snyder (Dugout SN: AlongCameASnyder) has his own ideas. But once again it is The Dugout who cuts through the melodrama and bias of sports writing on the Internet to bring you the true story; a story of intrigue that could only have been birthed in the depths of the most deductive scientific minds.

Join us for part 1 of 10 Little Indians, after the jump.

The Dugout

**Online Host**
One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys.

PostcardsFromTheWedge: /is swept by the Rockies, who aren't even supposed to be good this year
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Dammit, this is terrible. Fourth place! We're supposed to be at the top of the division. What the hell has happened to my team?
PhillieFauxnatic: /shrugs
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Well, think about it. When did things start to go wrong?
**Online Host**
Ten little Indian boys, shoulders out of line...
SoloffShotgun: C'mon Pronk, swing the bat a little. Let's see how that shoulder is coming along.

Pronky_Kong: sigghhhh

/picks up bat
/half-heartedly check swings
/drops bat
SoloffShotgun: I don't get it. There doesn't seem to be anything medically wrong with your shoulder, I don't know what's making you swing so badly.
Pronky_Kong: I dunno, whatever /plops down on couch
SoloffShotgun: ... uh, are you having problems at home?
Pronky_Kong: no
SoloffShotgun: Are you sick? Are you feeling physically sick?
Pronky_Kong: I don't know, I guess
SoloffShotgun: You seem like you're depressed. Are you depressed?
Pronky_Kong: I don't know man, I finally got my spirits up when Triple H ended the Era of Orton and then Vickie Guerrero had to start doing this to the Undertaker
Pronky_Kong: the Deadman is a legend, she shouldn't treat him this way, he won the title fair and square with the mysterious submission, she's just playing favorites for Edge
Pronky_Kong: god i just want to die

**Online Host**
One watched too much Smackdown!, and then there were nine.

Nine little Indian boys, pitching pretty great...
IlGrandeFausto: hey how come everybody else got they team picture taken in a seafood restaurant and i didn't
SoloffShotgun: Before I forget, I need to give you this.
IlGrandeFausto: this a I.D. bracelet or a thermometer
SoloffShotgun: It's a "LifeAlert" bracelet. We're concerned about your health and I can't be everywhere at once, so if something bad happens you just hit that button and I can come help you.
IlGrandeFausto: man i ain't need no bracelet, that's gay /throws LifeAlert in trash
**Online Host**
Later that night

IlGrandeFausto: /slips in shower

/breaks hip

IlGrandeFausto: I'VE FWALLEN

AND I CAN'T GET UP!

**Online Host**
One got injured like your Grandmother might've, and then there were eight.

Eight little Indian boys, number 37...
JakeAndTheFatman: oh man, Mark Prior is injured again, what a riot.
JakeAndTheFatman: And according to this, Curt Schilling is injured again and probably won't ever pitch again. Tough break!
JakeAndTheFatman: And... and Bartolo Colon is injured too? Wait a minute, what day is it?

JakeAndTheFatman: /looks at calendar

IT'S JUNE ALREADY???

JakeAndTheFatman: /ties baby grand piano to elaborate pulley system
/lifts piano into air

/stands under piano
JakeAndTheFatman: like I'm supposed to know what month it is

**Online Host**
One remembered he was Jake Westbrook, and then there were seven.

Seven little Indian boys, having trouble swinging sticks...
DoubleDrubal: Loanie, do joo know why they woul make my team photo seepia-toant?
SoloffShotgun: because your career is dead like Optimus Prime

DoubleDrubal: oh no

give me the bat, i will proof myself
SoloffShotgun: /lobs ball
DoubleDrubal: /miss
DoubleDrubal: /miss
DoubleDrubal: /miss
DoubleDrubal: /miss
DoubleDrubal: /foul tip
DoubleDrubal: /miss
DoubleDrubal: ok but coul you tell everybody i broke my legs or somethingk
SoloffShotgun: absolutely

**Online Host**
One broke both of his legs and got sent down to Triple-A, and then there were six.

Six little Indian boys, playing for the Tribe...
Barf: hey, this is pretty cool, I'm glad to be starting at second again.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: good to have you back in the lineup. We've got the Looch in left, the Goot in right, and now we've got the Barf.
Barf: I'm pretty important, right? After me you don't have a second baseman.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Not exactly, we traded for a backup. But don't look directly at him.
Barf: wa-huh? Why?
DEMON: SKREEEEEEE

Barf: AH NO HIS FACE, HIS HIDEOUS FACE

BLEARGGHHHHHH
**Online Host**
One had his face melted off Christo-Nazi style, and then there were five.
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Tags: asdrubal+cabrera, AsdrubalCabrera, barf, demon, doubledrubal, eric+wedge, EricWedge, fausto+carmona, FaustoCarmona, ilgrandefausto, jake+westbrook, jakeandthefatman, JakeWestbrook, josh+barfield, JoshBarfield, philliefauxnatic, postcardsfromthewedge, pronky_kong, soloffshotgun, travis+hafner, TravisHafner, wahoo+messenger, WahooMessenger

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