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MLB

Wahoo! Messenger: 10 Little Indians Part 2

Posted Jun 21, 2008 10:53PM By B. Thompson Stroud (RSS feed)

Filed Under: Cleveland, Indians, AL Central, The Dugout

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Don't believe his lies. Ketchup is 1000% Rudo.

Earlier this afternoon we began our two part exposé on the Cleveland Indians with 10 Little Indians Part 1, a literate essay regarding the damage and anguish these athletes put their bodies and families through to entertain us. No longer just the national pastime, baseball can not be enjoyed on any reasonable level and must be deconstructed minute-by-minute to absorb and exploit any minutia hoping to escape unsaberly-metricked.

After the jump, part 2 of 2. While you're waiting for it to load, please buy The Dugout brand t-shirts. All proceeds go toward serious journalism.

The Dugout

PostcardsFromTheWedge: And you say this is happening to your ball club, too?
bobbycoxer: It's the weirdest thing. Y'know, Jair Jurrjens was walking down his steps when a piece of masonry came loose an fell an killed him.
bobbycoxer: I'd chalked it up to either being on a team with a racist name, or on account a Turner Field being built on top of an ancient Injun burial ground.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: But if it's happening in Atlanta AND in Cleveland it can't be a coincidence... it's gotta be foul play, don't it?
bobbycoxer: that's what I was thinkin'.
bobbycoxer: hey, do you know what time it is?

PostcardsFromTheWedge: /looks at watch

It's "Tribe Time" now.

bobbycoxer: Ah crap I got a dentist appointment scheduled for 15 after Tribe Time

good luck with yer team, hope you win a game on the road sometime this year
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Yeah, you too. /hangs up phone
PostcardsFromTheWedge: where did we stop, five?
PhillieFauxnatic: /shrugs
PostcardsFromTheWedge: I think it was five.

**Online Host**
...and then there were five.

Five little Indian boyss, hoping they can score...
TheDefeatedVictor: ...and then Manny turns to Pervez Musharraf and goes, "manny being pakistani"
BigLeagueChoo: ROR
TheDefeatedVictor: see, that's why I changed my buddy icon, we need funny stuff like that to happen around the clubhouse. Man, Cleveland is so boring.
TheDefeatedVictor: I was born in Venezuela! I can be funny and ethnic! Man, nothing ever happens around here.
BigLeagueChoo: no, nothing ever happen
TheDefeatedVictor: Nope.
TheDefeatedVictor: ....
BigLeagueChoo: ....
**Online Host**
AND HERE COME THE HOT DOGS!
BigLeagueChoo: gasps
TheDefeatedVictor: YES, YES
Mustard: /rounds third
Ketchup: /rounds third
Onion: /rounds third
TheDefeatedVictor: COME ON KETCHUP, YOU GOT IT BABY, YOU GOT IT
BigLeagueChoo: go rerish!
Mustard: /rounds home, heads for the finish
Ketchup: /rounds home, heads for the finish
Onion: /rounds home, heads for the finish
BigLeagueChoo: go rerish go!
TheDefeatedVictor: it's a mustard hot dog a ketchup hot dog and an onion hot dog running, man, there ain't no relish hot dog
BigLeagueChoo: no rerish?
Mustard: /rushes toward the finish at first base
Ketchup: /drops mayonnaise slick to stall opponents

Onion: /breaks leg

/is put out of her misery and eaten on the field
**Online Host**
AND KETCHUP IS THE WINNER!
SECTION 556 ROW C GETS FREE HOT DOGS COURTESY OF SUGARDALE

TheDefeatedVictor: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, MY BOY KETCHUP, YEAH BOY

/gives anthropomorphic weiner high five
Ketchup: /high fives too hard
TheDefeatedVictor: AUUUUGHH /clutches elbow
BigLeagueChoo: oh no what happen to you average manny??
TheDefeatedVictor: My elbow! Shit! I think it's inflamed!
BigLeagueChoo: inframation nooooo

**Online Host**
One blew out his elbow, and then there were four.

Four little Indian boys, paid a hefty fee...
NeedsABathia: I don't have anything against Cleveland, but my contract is up at the end of this year and a lot of teams with a lot to offer need an ace...

NeedsABathia: ...so I'm willing to hear you out and figure out where I'm gonna go from there.

Chicago, you can go first. .
grand_marquis: welp, we've got a real strong club this year, we're 3 1/2 games up on the NL Central and we've got the best record in baseball
grand_marquis: unfortunately Carlos Zambrano's shoulder is inflamed and he's going to miss some starts
grand_marquis: right here before the all-star break we can't afford to start losing ground, so getting another ace to replace and then later join him would keep us strong and then push us into World Series contention
grand_marquis: I'm not sure if we've got a quality of minor league prospect good enough to trade for a C.C. Sabathia, but we're certainly willing to show and offer to Cleveland the best of what we've got.
NeedsABathia: very nice, all of that seems reasonable.
NeedsABathia: All right, New York?
e5_rod: JOO SHOULT COME PLAY WITH US SISSY SABATHIA

**Online Host**
One left by the trade deadline, and then there were three.

Three little Indian boys with nothing much to do...
FromVictorToKelly: hey, somebody's throwing a ball at me, wonder what i should do with it
**Online Host**
/passed ball
FromVictorToKelly: say i wonder why they call these the tools of ignorance, derp de derp

FromVictorToKelly: GURK

/collapses forward with sharpened candlestick sticking out of back

**Online Host**
Kelly Shoppach is freaking horrible, and then there were two.

PostcardsFromTheWedge: So who's next?

Wait, there's two of us here, you don't s'pose they mean...

PostcardsFromTheWedge: Slider? /looks around

Slider?
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Sluh...slider?
PhillieFauxnatic: /slowly removes shag carpet helmet

PhillieFauxnatic: And then.... there was one.

/draws pistol
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Tags: agatha+christie, AgathaChristie, alex+rodriguez, AlexRodriguez, bigleaguechoo, bobby+cox, BobbyCox, bobbycoxer, cc+sabathia, CcSabathia, dugout_grand_marquis, e5_rod, eric+wedge, EricWedge, fromvictortokelly, jason+marquis, JasonMarquis, kelly+shoppach, KellyShoppach, needsabathia, philliefauxnatic, postcardsfromthewedge, shin-soo+choo, Shin-sooChoo, slider, thedefeatedvictor, victor+martinez, VictorMartinez

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