I have a tradition. Every Sunday, I grab some coffee, sit in front of my computer, and read about retired infielder and current Red Sox hitting coach
Dave Magadan. Sometimes I'll pore through his stats and realize I completely forgot that he hit .328 one year. Other days, I'll check to see whether the value of his rookie card has topped a nickel.
Today, though, was the most eventful Magaday yet! I learned that he and
Lou Piniella are cousins, and that
Piniella is his godfather! I celebrated my discovery by treating myself to a two-Pop-Tart dinner (I usually have just one).
This evening's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Family Barbecue Chat!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
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MAGADETH: I'm your cousin! You're my godfather!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: WHICH ONE
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MAGADETH: Both!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: /opens bottle of Stroh's with teeth
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MAGADETH: Those twist off.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: HOW IN GOD'S GRAY EARTH AM I YOUR COUSIN AND YOUR GODFATHER
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MAGADETH: Beats me. Apparently you sponsored me at my baptism. That's how you become a godparent.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: HOW OLD ARE YOU
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MAGADETH: I'm 45.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: AND I'M
/peeks into garage, counts sixty-four jagged tallies on wall
64
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: THAT'S OLDER THAN GOD
THEY DIDN'T HAVE BAPTISMS BEFORE GOD I CLAIM SHENANIGANS
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MAGADETH: Well, it's true.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: DAVE MAGADAN
DAVE DAMN MAGADAN
DO I HAVE ANY OTHER OBSCURE 1980S BASEBALL PLAYER BASTARD GOD-CHILDREN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: AM I ABOUT TO BE ACCOSTED BY, LIKE, PAT TABLER OR GUS POLIDOR OR SOMEBODY
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE A GODDAD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: COME ON I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO RIDE A GODBIKE
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: LET'S GO GODFISHING
LET'S PUT SOME GODBAIT ON A GODHOOK AND CATCH A GODCOD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: GOD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: /stomps into garage, picks up jagged rock, crudely etches twenty more tallies into wall
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MAGADETH: Well, uh...well, I'm a coach for the Red Sox now. Maybe you could give me some pointers?
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: YELL A LOT AND WEAR A HAT
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MAGADETH: That really works?
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: EITHER THAT OR WE'RE ALL IN THE MATRIX AND THE CUBS DON'T REALLY HAVE A +9 MILLION RUN DIFFERENTIAL
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MAGADETH: Thanks, Godfather.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO PUT AN ORANGE IN MY MOUTH AND CHASE AROUND A SMALL CHILD
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Red Sox Batting Practice Chat!
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MAGADETH: /adjusts hat
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MAGADETH: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, CAPITAL LETTERS CAPITAL LETTERS
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MannyTheTorpedoes: manny hearing maggy
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Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
6-23-2008 @ 12:04AM
George B Vieto said...
Amazing story.
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 12:29AM
PL said...
Gus Polidor was murdered while he was still a player, thats messed up.
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 12:52AM
Gleebo said...
PAT TABLER!! PAT TABLER! I don't know how you will top that one.
Feel free to work Joe Orsulak into a dugout someday and watch the page hits go through the roof.
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 10:07AM
Andrew said...
I say thee Alvin Davis.
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 10:08AM
Denny said...
OK - Piniella in baseball is a "legend", a" great manager", etc...but, from everything I have read and seen and heard from him, he is a loudmouth, cruel, judgemental and crude person. Being a "great manager", given his attitudes, actions, is NOT very important in the scope of life. But then again, this is just my opinion. Piniella lovers? You are entitled to feel as you do as well. I mean no disrespect to you, but how do you look your kids in the eyes as Piniella "goes off" as he does and explain to them, "but he is a great manager?" Is that ALL that matters...
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 1:10PM
william lanyi said...
just read bobbie mercer book,mercer and paniella roomies with yankees.mercer shows what a great person lou really is but doesn't like to put his generousity of time and $ out in public.it would be great if he could take the cubbies to the w.s. and take it all.
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 8:25AM
Bankroll Sports said...
Pinella is a first ballot hall of famer...
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 8:26AM
Free Sports Picks said...
Pinella instant hall of fame!
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 1:33PM
Tim Johns said...
Sweet Lou is by far my favorite Dugout character... My toilet parts tingle whenever I see a Dugout with he.
GOOD NIGHT RETARDS
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6-23-2008 @ 10:45PM
Christian said...
DO I HAVE ANY OTHER OBSCURE 1980S BASEBALL PLAYER BASTARD GOD-CHILDREN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 11:08PM
Denny said...
#9 - your ignorant statements are only surpassed by the "Good Night ______" closing....hide bheind that computer you pervert....
Reply
6-23-2008 @ 11:08PM
Denny said...
#9 - "Good Night _____?" Real class. "My toilet parts tingle?" YOU are perverted - get help immediately....hide behind that computer and comment as you did? Family and friends must be real proud of you.....
Reply
6-24-2008 @ 12:19PM
kingdonut66 said...
Denny . . . can you not get actual references and Dugout references straight? Or are you just acting ignorant for the attention?
Here, read the end of this one to see why I'm disappointed in you:
Lou's Scoop: David Wells
Reply
6-24-2008 @ 12:25PM
kingdonut66 said...
alright alright . . . . http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/nick144.htm
Reply