The Mariners Are So Horrible They're Killing Romance in Seattle

Baseball parks have long been a great place to meet somebody, whether you're a man or a woman. If you meet somebody at a game, you already know you have a common interest with them, so you've got your icebreaker right there. The seemingly never ending flow of beer doesn't hurt much either, of course.

If you're single and still looking for that special someone, or even that special person for the next few hours, I highly recommend going to a baseball game to find them. Just make sure you aren't going to SafeCo Field. Don't be fooled by the lesbian make-out sessions, because that place is a ghost town these days.

Among the several casualties of this dismal Mariners season -- Jeff Pentland's job, Richie Sexson's career, the fantasy team of anyone who drafted J.J. Putz -- is the singles scene at Safeco Field.

The scene is dead for one simple reason (which is practically a natural law): Women don't like losers.

I say this with the certainty of someone who went on several dates while unemployed and living at my parents' house. Eventually the girl would learn the gravity of my situation, and then (evidently) lose my phone number.

The Mariners -- who also live in the basement and rarely score -- are just as unattractive to women. At least that's what I conclude from the looks of Safeco Field's Hit It Here Cafe on a couple of recent nights.

Yes, things have gotten so bad in Seattle right now that the Post-Intelligencer is actually sending their writers on an assignment to figure out the singles scene at SafeCo Field. Anything to keep from having to actually follow this team for another day.

Of course, that excerpt is only the intro to Seth Koellen's post, and the entire thing is really quite enjoyable to read. I suggest you do so, Mariners fan or not, but especially if you are. I mean, it's been an incredibly long season already (especially when you add the entire Sonics fiasco to the picture) for the Seattle sports fan, and any opportunity to laugh right now is definitely one you should take advantage of.

It definitely beats sitting in mom's basement crying in your underwear.

(Via Walkoff Walk)