GoldBonds: yeah, i doubt barry bonds is ever going to actually go to jail

RollAJay: Really? Don't they have plenty of dirt on you? Don't they have plenty of motivation to prosecute you? And haven't they expressed their desire to do so?

GoldBonds: i don't know i guess

but it's like, magic johnson wasn't supposed to still be alive and well in 2008, and puerto rico was supposed to be a state, and the penny was going to be phased out, and we were going to use the metric system by 1990, and killer bees were going to take over the southern united states by like 1995, and Y2K, and bin laden is out there, and

GoldBonds: i guess what i'm trying to say is, life is a tale told by some dude who dangles plots and gets distracted

GoldBonds: and major league teams have nothing to do with barry bonds

RollAJay: You ever think about playing in an independent league? That's what I'm doing.

GoldBonds: is independent baseball anything like independent rap

because i listened to immortal technique one time, he rapped some story about how he got all messed up and no longer recognized his mother and violently murdered her

GoldBonds: and pavement is exhausting because they're boring and i have to pretend to like them so i can have conversations with other people about them

RollAJay: Lord no. My league is pretty fun. We do a lot to separate ourselves from the majors.

GoldBonds: like what, show interest in barry bonds

RollAJay: A...bicycle?

GoldBonds: yeah i ride one in the gym every day, are there bicycles that actually move

for that matter are there weight benches that will fly around if you lift enough

RollAJay: I can't speak to that.

But anyway, if you reach third base, you can climb a deer stand if you want.

RollAJay: This deer stand is a central hub for an elaborate zip-line system that is wired throughout the playing field.

RollAJay: Now, this is useful in the event that a ball is hit. If an outfielder is waiting underneath a towering fly ball, for instance, you're allowed to grab hold of the handle, zip down to the outfield, and take him out.

GoldBonds: isn't that what a "sacrifice" is

i don't think barry bonds has recorded a single sacrifice in his entire career but barry bonds would be willing to give it a try

RollAJay: Oh, oh, and there's home plate. This is where it gets really neat.

RollAJay: Once you touch home, you can elect to walk back to the dugout with the single run you scored, OR you can invest your run in a "stock market" of sorts.

RollAJay: In essence, you can bet on a single "stock", i.e. the success of one of your teammates at bat, or you can invest in a mutual fund, which basically hinges upon whether your team wins or loses.

RollAJay: If your investment pays off, you could find yourself with up to five more runs by the end of the game.

RollAJay: The fans really get into it. A lot of times the crowd will yell investment advice.

GoldBonds: that sounds really neat

GoldBonds: so do they test for steroids

RollAJay: No, I don't think so.

GoldBonds: sold

GoldBonds: if barry bonds has to, barry bonds will run away from steroids scrutiny if it means crawling up a giant facsimile nostril and fetching a key while mark summers goads him on