bud_is_wiser: /pounds plastic funny-gavel

I now commence the first Ex-Managerial Sad-Off.

bud_is_wiser: The two of you will take turns offering insights into your lives as unemployed ex-managers. The man with the saddest existence will win a prize of my choosing.

Mr. Randolph goes first. Please proceed.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: Ahem.

Last night I fell asleep to "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" at 8:00. I woke up in the middle of the night, when they were re-running it. I stayed awake and watched it again. And when I woke up this afternoon, it was showing again. I watched it a third time.

gibbon_and_receibbon: I kind of spoiled myself yesterday. I curled up on a futon, popped "Dante's Peak" into the VCR, and ate some salsa out of the jar with a spoon.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: At least you had legit salsa. I was running low on cash last night, because, you know, I'm out of a job. I had $8.60 to my name. I also had a "reserve account" of an ashtray filled with pennies, which I estimated to be good for about $2.75.

gibbon_and_receibbon: The other day, all I had in my kitchen was half a container of grits, iodized salt, and a bottle of olive oil. Unfortunately, I kind of let my place go over the past few days, so all my dishes were dirty and caked with scum. So I just decided to eat the grits raw. I figured that it would be healthy, since olive oil is good for you, right?

bud_is_wiser: good lord you are winning right now

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: If ever I felt I needed a break, but had already smoked my cigarette for the day, I simply brushed my teeth. It's a nice break that leaves you with a fresh feeling. I recommend it.

gibbon_and_receibbon: This morning, I decided I was going to call off my pity party and go get a job. My wardrobe has pretty much consisted of my baseball uniforms, but I was required to return them to the team when I left. So all I had was a five-year-old pair of size 32 jeans that no longer fit me. I was forced to squeeze into them unbuttoned and waddle over to the coffee shop.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: Alright, time for me to drop the hammer.

For breakfast, I ate a brick of Ramen as a candy bar, and used the seasoning packet to flavor a mug of room-temperature water.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: As I ate and drank, I studied the packaging, convinced myself it was an "energy meal", and decided to run a mile.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: I felt dizzy two hundred feet into my run and collapsed on the sidewalk. Some guy tossed me a nickel.

I put the nickel in my pocket.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: /hoists above head like trophy

Thank you, thank you.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: You know, once I'm done, I could probably urinate in this.

gibbon_and_receibbon: You mind if I use it after you're done? I've been using my hat.

CoachRandolphAllTheFans: /clutches jug to chest

GET YOUR OWN PEE JUG