Everything You Need to Know About the 2008 Home Run Derby

The Home Run Derby has, in recent years, become a massive parody of itself. What used to be a short, fun diversion the night before the All-Star Game has devolved into a three-hour orgy of excess. There's three rounds now, which ensures that by the end of the night the finalists will be too tired to lift their arms over their heads, let alone hit home runs. There's a million commercial breaks and the thing never seems to end at a reasonable hour.

Still, the Derby is the only baseball on tomorrow night. The only Derby I haven't watched all of in recent memory was the one in Pittsburgh, during which I attempted to sneak a giant banner with an internet-based phrase poking fun at a certain overblown ESPN personality that loves the Derby onto the cameras. My friends and I failed, went to the bar, and yep, watched the Derby. So instead of saying that the Derby is played out and boring, let's embrace the fact that we're going to watch it anyways. A full preview of what I'm expecting from each participant and what you might see during the broadcast is after the jump.

Lance Berkman- Maybe the favorite for a number of reasons; he's participated in several of these before, he'll be hitting left-handed, and he's on fire in the first half of this season. Reader Matt passes along this link, in which Berkman says he's probably going to hit right-handed, making everything I said about pointless. Berkman has much less power from the right side and Yankee Stadium is built for lefties.

Ryan Braun- He's got lots of raw power and he's young enough that this might mean something to him, but he's also a righty hitting in Yankee Stadium, which puts him at a disadvantage.

Josh Hamilton- He's got a sweet swing, he's left-handed, and he does something amazing seemingly every week. I'm a bit worried about how well his swing will translate to the derby, but are you going to bet against him?

Evan Longoria- Reminds me of Jason Bay a few years ago, a potential 30-homer guy that's mostly a line drive hitter with a swing that won't translate terribly well to the derby. Plus he's played a whopping total of 84 big league games. The classic "happy to be here" guy.

Justin Morneau- For no reason at all, I feel like Morneau should do well in this thing. He only hit a few homers in his debut last year, but I feel like he's due for a bigger performance this year.

Grady Sizemore- Every year there's a dark horse like Alex Rios or Garrett Anderson or Carl Everett. My guess is that Sizemore is that guy this year, even if Eric Wedge still thinks he's a lead-off hitter.

Dan Uggla- I don't really know how Uggla has 23 homers at the break, but he does. Every Rule 5 draft pick from here on out should have a picture of this guy on their wall. That doesn't mean he's got a chance in this thing.

Chase Utley- Two second basemen in the Derby? Unheard of! Utley's power surge is less surprising than Uggla's, but I'm not convinced he's exactly a "power hitter."

Things you are likely to hear: "Evan Parker-Longoria," a reference to the Brawny Paper Towel Man when Braun is at the plate, "Backbackbackbackback GONE! He hit that ball to Brooklyn!/Jersey!/into the Hudson!", a bad Tom Sizemore joke, a pun about the stunning and never-before-realized similarities between Dan Uggla's last name and the world "ugly."

Things you are likely to see: A goose egg from someone (my money's on Longoria, which will just ramp up the Eva(n) jokes), Manny Ramirez getting booed (probably while playing with his kid), and a Josh Hamilton montage.

Most likely to pull an Abreu: Dan Uggla's got 23 homers. His career high is 31. Chase Utley has 25 homers. His career high is 32. There's a good chance they're both going to tail off in the second half and if that happens, there's a good chance people that don't know any better will blame the Derby.

Most likely to win: Lance Berkman (if he bats lefty), Grady Sizemore, and Justin Morneau, in that order. And if it's not them it'll definitely be one of the other guys.