There's not need to bore you with the Steve Bartman story -- he came, he reached, the Cubs choked, we all moved on (except Cubs fans, they stink at moving on; see above). But there was a fascinating little twist to his plot of eternal terror today, as the Orlando Sentinel reports that he got offered $25,000.00 to de-hermitize himself and sign a single autograph.

SportsBuy.com and the National Sports Collectors Convention are offering $25,000 -- a briefcase with 250 $100 bills inside -- to infamous Chicago Cubs fan Steve Bartman if he comes out of hiding attends the show and signs a single autograph.

[...]To collect the cash, all Bartman has to do is show up at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, Ill., at 1 p.m. on July 31, prove his identity and sign a photograph of the infamous play. It will then be auctioned on the Web site with the proceeds going to a Chicago-based charity, according to a news release for the publicity stunt event.

Three thoughts. First of all, Chris Olds, slow your roll on the strikethrough. (And yeah, I'm totally guilty of it myself, but it actually needs to be funny the objects should be more diametrically opposed.)

Secondly, is our country's sports memorabilia market in such turmoil that the best autograph we can possibly have is Steve Bartman? Come on, my fellow nerds. We can do better than that.

And finally, if Bartman's smart, he won't fall for the "show up somewhere at some time to collect some cash" routine. I've had that old chesnut waved in front of me before and believe me, Steven, it never works out well. Unless you consider "well" having to call your parents and explain how you got kidnapped again.