The Wikipedia Report unearths ballplayers' poorly constructed Wiki pages for craps and giggles.This morning, it's the Braves' turn. Discussions of immortality, toxic Southern cuisine, and the persistent grip of Communism can be found after the jump.
The Dugout
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Braves Clubhouse Chat! |
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combat_chuck: me first Chuck James While in college, Chuck was bitten by a copperhead, a venomous snake, and never sought medical treatment. |
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InuitPub: Dude...are you immortal? |
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combat_chuck: i don't know it never occurred to me |
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InuitPub: Well I mean, what kind of guy gets bitten by a venomous snake and just says "whatevs" |
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InuitPub: And even more fascinating is the idea of you actually jumping off a roof into a pool and breaking your wrists. You probably didn't hit the water if you broke your wrists, meaning you're incredibly lucky that you didn't also break all the teeth in your head, and your skull, and everything inside your skull. |
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HudsonHawk: Good point. You should hold your breath and see what happens. |
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combat_chuck: ok wwhhhhhhhhp /holds breath |
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HudsonHawk: I'll go next. Tim Hudson |
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HudsonHawk: It's a Southern cuisine show, and it is absolutely disgusting. |
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HudsonHawk: While I was on, she made a "Georgia salad." |
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InuitPub: That doesn't sound so bad. |
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HudsonHawk: Well, okay. First she took some avocados and Romaine lettuce |
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HudsonHawk: Then she put them into a blender with 3 cups of cream cheese, broke open a bunch of Doritos 3-D snack chips, and filled them with the mixture. |
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HudsonHawk: Then she deep-fried them, doused them with maple syrup. And then she just ate them all. No utensils. She just stuck her face into the deep fryer. The paramedics called her by her first name. |
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InuitPub: eeeesh |
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InuitPub: OK, let's forget that happened. Yunel Escobar |
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Sammonella: Whoa, neat! I didn't know that sort of Cold War police state was still going on! |
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InuitPub: "Neat"? |
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Sammonella: Well I mean, yeah! That stuff still happens? It's so retro! |
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InuitPub: I grew up in an impoverished Communist state and was the subject of unbearable scrutiny. |
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Sammonella: Like, straight from the 80s! Hey, do you guys still play with Transformers there? What about Garbage Pail Kids? Remember those? |
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InuitPub: I sailed to America on an improvised raft with a handful of individuals who wanted to kill me. |
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Sammonella: You know, you kind of look like Hispanic Rocky! In a way. Sorry if that's weird. I just have an eye for that sort of stuff o___0 |
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Sammonella: Anyway, my turn! External Links |
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Sammonella: Neat! I have a fan site! |
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InuitPub: That is not a fan site. Someone's squatting on your domain, you moron. |
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combat_chuck: ack ack ackkkkk /falls over dead |
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InuitPub: oh dear What's our rotation looking like now? |
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HudsonHawk: Well, let's see. I'm injured, Smoltz is injured, Hampton's injured, Glavine's injured...we were probably going to call up Chuck, but now he's dead... |
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HudsonHawk: I don't know. You want to pitch? |
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InuitPub: Sure, what the hell. |
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HudsonHawk: /hands over game ball |
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InuitPub: /immediately fractures four vertebra, cracks both femurs, tears every hamstring in body, contracts glaucoma |
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InuitPub: /head falls off, remainder of body explodes |
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-30-2008 @ 1:38PM
Adam S. said...
If you hold your breath long enough you won't die, you'll just pass out from lack of oxygen. And when you pass out you'll start breathing again.
...just sayin
Reply
7-30-2008 @ 2:30PM
TheWeave said...
Quinn's Place could have been an acceptable name for Escobar.
Reply
7-31-2008 @ 12:40AM
scrungemo said...
Adam S, relax. it's just for pretend.
just sayin'.
Reply
7-31-2008 @ 1:30AM
Harry Taft said...
When will Bobby Cox discover Boyer's inablity as a releif pitcher who, most of the time, can't hold the other team from scoring more runs in "close game" situations. How many time has he blown the lead and the other time won? Do some research and discover...too many times he's let the team down.
Boyer seems to be Bobby Cox's favorite reliever...as indicated by the large number of games he's pitched.
Isn't it time to option Boyer to the minors and bring up those who've provent they can get the job down when they were called up before?
It seems like the Braves management has given up on this years team and aren't willing to show the team they have faith and trust that they still have a chance to come back and be in the playoffs. Give the younsters a chance and let them prove themselves...they might surprise the Brave's Nation!
Reply