The Dugout: V Is For Violence

Text Size A A A

That's good enough for me. Oh! Violence violence violence starts with V.

As you may know, humanity is a living Linkin Park chorus now as players are wiping their asses with hand towels, people looking for sports news on the Internet have to do so in the middle of a terrible issue of Maxim, and seemingly every sports rivalry is erupting in brick-to-the-dome quality physical violence. Yankees fans assault Red Sox fans, Red Sox fans abuse Yankees fans, the Dodgers hate the Giants, a Brewers fan draws a pistol during the seventh inning stretch and kills 20,000 Diamondbacks fans, and three Cubs fans kick a White Sox fan in the nose so hard that it destroys his eyeball at a little girl's birthday party.

This is getting ridiculous. I don't know about you, but I'm giving up this cogged blogger lifestyle and devoting my talents to something more deserving, like celebrity gossip livejournal communities. What did Zac Efron and BBV wear to the premiere of Space Chimps??? Click below to find out!

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Little Girl's Sesame Street Birthday Party Chatroom!
	LittleGirl: nyah hee hee nyah hee hee /claps hands
	CookieMonsterMacot: hurr hurr hurr /muffled pantomime
	Online Host Meanwhile, across the room...
	SoxFan: This is a pretty great party, ay guys!
	TheCubsFan: meh it's not exactly a jon meloan quality party if you know what i'm sayin
	SoxFan: well of course not but Caitlin Brianna "Miley" Jessica is having a great time and that's all that matters
	TheCubsFan: i shoulda knowd when i came to a white sox supported sesame street childrens birthday party that it was gonna be mediocre to boring
	TheCubsFan: methinks it would go something like this
	Online Host Welcome to the White Sox Sesame Street Childrens Birthday Party!
	BionicElmo: AH HA HA HA Elmo say heh-woah to to to, White Sox slugger Jim Tho-me! Thome! Thome! HA HA HA YAAAAY
	WordUpThome: HEY MUPPENTS THIS IS JI
	WordUpThome: JIM THOME
	WordUpThome: TODAY'S EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER HOW THE HECK ARE YA DOIN
	BionicElmo: ELMO SAY YAAAAAAAAAY YAY YAY YAY YAAAAAY HAHAHA
	KillingZoe: Oh Elmo, you are so funny! yes, yes Elmo is very funny! /waggles arms
	JustWrong: hey evwyboddy! lets wook at elmo!!
	WordUpThome: I DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE CAN YOU DIRECT ME TOWARD THE BIG BIRD OR THE SNUFFLED UPPAGUS
	BionicElmo: NO BIG BIRD BIG BIRD IS BOOORING NOW JUST ELMO, ONLY ELMO YAYYYY
	KillingZoe: /holds up sparkly objects
	WordUpThome: WHAT ABOUT GROVER WE CAN LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWIXT NEAR AND FAR FROM HIM DOES JIMBO HIT DINGERS NEAR HOME PLATE OR FAR FROM THEM I MUST KNOW
	JustWrong: gwover is still around!
	WordUpThome: GOOD LOOKING OUT OLD TOP CAN I SEE HIM PLEASE
	JustWrong: sure! now he is fwuffy an made outta COMPYOOTERS an his job is to fwash bwight colors to teach the kids at home!
	WordUpThome: ABOUT WHAT
	JustWrong: about... uh, stimuwus wesponse?
	WordUpThome: CONSARN IT THIS IS BUTT SWALLOW WHY DONT WE JUST SKIP TO THE LETTER OF THE DAY
	KillingZoe: today's letter is SCREAMING!!!!! YAYYY!!!!
	BionicElmo: HA HA HA ELMO ILLITERATE
	TheCubsFan: he'h that's pretty much how it'd go
	SoxFan: yeah well at least it'd be more interesting than if the Cubs did it...
	Online Host Welcome to the Cubs Sesame Street Childrens Birthday Party!
	IFontenotWhatYoureThinking: Hi everybody, this is Mike Fontenot of the Chicago Cubs!
	SesameStreetKid: who are you
	SesameStreetKid: aww they said they were gonna send costco funkadobo
	IFontenotWhatYoureThinking: Today I'm gonna teach you what a baseball player does!
	SesameStreetKid: does he play baseball
	IFontenotWhatYoureThinking: uh... /slowly puts down glove yeah! These are the people in your neighborhood! In your neighborho-
	SesameStreetKid: sigggh are we to the boring part with the stop motion animation of sand yet
	SesameStreetKid: yeah i'd rather watch that, or a tour of a milk factory
	IFontenotWhatYoureThinking: neigh... bor.... hood.
	SesameStreetKid: I wish you were a frog puppet!
	IFontenotWhatYoureThinking: me too :(
	SoxFan: and then the Cubbies'd trade Fontenot to the Phillies for a double A second baseman and Link Hogthrob
	TheCubsFan: did i just hear you besmirch the great name of mike fontenot
	SoxFan: all I'm saying is that kindergarten math problems are more interesting than Mike Fontenot
	TheCubsFan: HE HAS A LIFETIME .802 OPS YOU SON OF A BITCH I'LL KILL YOU
	SoxFan: you and what serbian army
	TheCubsFan: /motions across party to friends
	TzrabzolCzpsparg: /whispers in associate's ear
	JkospzfloTronj4r: /puts two fingers to throat /points at Sox Fan
	SoxFan: uh oh
	Online Host Three Cubs Fans are mercilessly beating a White Sox Fan at a little girl's Sesame Street themed birthday party because "baseball". No, seriously.
	CookieMonsterMacot: /wanders by
	JkospzfloTronj4r: /shivs Cookie Monster, punches him in the eye
	CookieMonsterMacot: MY EYE, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY EYE
	CookieMonsterMacot: IT'S MOVING AROUND ALL WONKY NOW WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY EYE
	CookieMonsterMacot: VIOLENCE IS A SOMETIMES FOOD