The Dugout: Egomannyac

Only a day after the pivotal Dugout of the season, the passage of time and the inevitability of happenstance thrusts the trade of Manny Ramirez on us. And not just a trade: a trade full of organization-bashing and apathy after a season devoted to disproving the character we'd developed. Our Manny has always been a bit slow, but he's also always been the kind of guy who means well and tries hard, even when he's goofing around. He's misunderstood. He's just "being Manny."

Well, "being Manny" has a different definition now.

As the Farnsworth story comes full circle, the MannyTheTorpedoes story comes to an end. Next week: Dontrelle Willis wins the Pulitzer Prize and Bill Pecota reveals that he prefers football. Tonight's Dugout, the end of an era, is after the jump.

The Dugout

	MannyTheTorpedoes: i don liek boson no mor
	KingOfPap: o brothor whats rong now
	MannyTheTorpedoes: durin my yrs here i seen how they mistrea other gray player when they din wan em
	MannyTheTorpedoes: try to turn a fans agains em
	KingOfPap: nuh uh /cracks matchbox cars into each other mindlessly
	MannyTheTorpedoes: yea huh the ray sogs did the say thain to nomore garciapara an payro, now they do the say thain to me
	MannyTheTorpedoes: i liek my frens in boson but the ray sogs the red sogs
	MannyTheTorpedoes: ugh i need to concentrate an type this right
	KingOfPap: pshoooowwww /sends matchbox car flying down staircase
	MannyTheTorpedoes: the red sox... dont desrve me
	MannyTheTorpedoes: i'm not talking about money, mental peace has no price and i don't have peace here
	KingOfPap: ya u do
	MannyTheTorpedoes: listen to me god dammit i'm not happy anymore
	KingOfPap: /covers mouth u said g.d.
	KingOfPap: u wan play spies
	MannyTheTorpedoes: no i don't want to play spies with you, spies is a baby game and you don't even know what spies do
	KingOfPap: /blinks sniffle
	MannyTheTorpedoes: oh grow up
	KingOfPap: m-m-m m-m-m-m-mawwwwwwwwwm /runs away crying
	Online Host KingOfPap has left the chatroom.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: whatever ugh i'm sick of looking at this screen name, if they trade me to philadelphia or miami i'm going to need a highbrow sn
	MannyTheTorpedoes: hold on
	Online Host MannyTheTorpedoes has left the chatroom for the last time. Online Host Several minutes have passed. Online Host MannyBoutTown has entered the chatroom!
	MannyBoutTown: That's better.
	Online Host OrtizItThisOne has entered the chatroom.
	OrtizItThisOne: Hey Manny, did you tell Papelbon about Santa Claus? Because he ran into my room a few minutes ago and won't stop sobbing.
	MannyBoutTown: No, I just told him that I didn't want to play spies.
	OrtizItThisOne: You didn't want to play spies? But you love spies!
	MannyBoutTown: He doesn't even know what spies do.
	OrtizItThisOne: Manny, you've got to get it together. You've got to go out there and give it your best every day, people are beginning to notice you not hustling, and...
	OrtizItThisOne: well, I know you're not going to be in Boston much longer and I want you to show people how great you are so you can get the biggest and best contract.
	OrtizItThisOne: You deserve it for being one of the best players in baseball for 15 years. Your family deserves it.
	MannyBoutTown: You're right. I do deserve it. But Boston doesn't.
	OrtizItThisOne: Manny, I don't know what you're saying, but well actually I do know what you're saying because this is the first time I think I've ever seen you use a capital letter
	OrtizItThisOne: but... I love you, Manny. I want you to be happy.
	MannyBoutTown: I tell you what. You love me so much? You know what's best for everybody? Here. /throws can of soup at Ortiz's feet
	MannyBoutTown: Open this up for me, "Papi."
	Online Host MannyBoutTown has left the chatroom as slowly as possible.
	OrtizItThisOne: /stares at feet
	OrtizItThisOne: /quietly leaves the chatroom
	Online Host Later, in the Los Angeles Dodgers Chatroom!
	PointBlake: glaciers and mountain snows are rapidly melting-for example, montana's glacier national park now has only 27 glaciers, versus 150 in 1910
	EthierOr: AUGGGHHHH jesus god somebody save me from this
	EthierOr: Coach, please tell me that the most boring person to ever live is not your only plan for 2008, because I mean I love barehanded scoops as much as the next guy but f***ken-a
	Torreumon: heh heh, don't worry, kid, dem bums just made the blockbuster trade of the season.
	Torreumon: We just picked up someone I know very well from my years in New York.
	DoctorProctor: we... we didn't trade for Kyle Farnsworth, did we?
	DoctorProctor: because that would be uh, terrible, just... just terrible.
	Torreumon: the only time "blockbuster" and "Kyle Farnsworth" are used in the same sentence is when he's late returning his VHS copy of Best of the Best 2
	Torreumon: We're benching the entire outfield just to bring in this man: Manny Ramirez.
	EthierOr: ARE YOU ARE YOU KIDDING ME HOLY S*** DUDE
	MannyBoutTown: sup. /brushes back dreadlocks
	Torreumon: Manny is here to swing away 24/7 and from this point forward you're to refer to him as "Hollywood" Manny Ramirez
	MannyBoutTown: /puts palm over cell phone Where is your Green Monster?
	Torreumon: We don't have a Green Monster, we're the Dodgers, we play in Dodger Stadium.
	MannyBoutTown: /rolls eyes Well, any left field wall, obviously.
	Torreumon: /points of left field
	MannyBoutTown: thank you so much /talks into cell phone, wanders into left field /unzips pants
	DoctorProctor: wh...what's he doing? Is he-
	Torreumon: Pissing on our left field wall.
	DoctorProctor: well, I guess he's got to go somewhere
	EthierOr: this is the greatest day of all time
	Online Host Meanwhile, in the Boston Red Sox Chatroom...
	KingOfPap: peww peww /fires finger guns u will never recovr th microfilm dr papi this blongs 2 th gobernment
	OrtizItThisOne: You'll never escape my evil base! Guards, seize him!
	KingOfPap: th name is bon papel bon /dives behind couch
	OrtizItThisOne: /stares silently at feet for a moment
	OrtizItThisOne: I'll get you yet, Papel Bon!

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

7-31-2008 @ 10:09PM

Kylie said...

Poor Bon. Papel Bon :(

Please tell me grown-up Manny is not permanent. I loved his childish antics.

7-31-2008 @ 10:57PM

andrew said...

Oh, you guys. I guess it had to be done, but I'm so sad. Nothing stays the same in baseball...

7-31-2008 @ 11:00PM

Sandra Dee said...

Is it wrong for a Dugout to break my heart and make me cry so? If so, I never want to be right, but, I also wish Manny wasn't Hollywood Hogan =/

7-31-2008 @ 11:04PM

Michelle said...

EthierOr's reaction was an entirely accurate depiction of my own.

Okay, I shed a little tear for KingOfPap.

7-31-2008 @ 11:03PM

Elizabeth said...

LOVE The Proctor cameo harkening back to the Progressive Boink days of them being best friends. :)

7-31-2008 @ 11:16PM

BCVM said...

This is the saddest thing since Buck O'Neil died.

7-31-2008 @ 11:38PM

Mabel said...

Manny's heel turn was deliciously evil!

8-01-2008 @ 12:42AM

mojogal said...

sad; can't believe how bad this made me feel. Great job! no more MannyTheTorpedoes. Anything in the works for a Nomar/Manny reunion?

8-01-2008 @ 2:00AM

JohnnyComeLately said...

I couldn't stop laughing after seeing Scott Proctor freak about trading for Farnsworth. Yesterday was a great day for Yankees fans. Farnsworth and Manny, gone.

8-01-2008 @ 7:27AM

petejayhawk said...

I have the sad music from the Incredible Hulk running through my head. Is that OK?

8-01-2008 @ 10:06AM

royhobbs said...

I'm not even really a Red Sox fan, but this still makes a heart grow heavy. Things really don't ever stay the same forever, especially in baseball.

8-01-2008 @ 11:18AM

soxfan said...

i too became ferklempt over this post. how do i feel about the trade? how do you think i feel? sad, betrayed, bewildered...

mannythetorpedoes, you will be missed.

8-01-2008 @ 12:24PM

MisterC said...

manny noooooooo

8-01-2008 @ 12:45PM

marinerhousewife said...

And with that, the world has become a sadder place.

8-01-2008 @ 1:20PM

RedSox148927 said...

Oh No! I felt bad and was sad for Pap, and I will miss the childish antics of mannythetorpedoes. I was expecting the Dugout response to the trade being of tearful departure between Pap and Manny. But, at least now Papi will be there for Pap.

MannyTheTorpedos said...

This is the worst day ever. No more Manny in Boston, no more MannytheTorpedos on the Dugout. I can't believe he threw the chigen soop at Papi.

Maybe the new PECOTA (Mike Sweeney?) will rise and save us.

8-01-2008 @ 1:23PM

Oh No! I felt bad and was sad for Pap, and I will miss the childish
antics of mannythetorpedoes. I was expecting the Dugout response to the trade of being a tearful departure between Pap and Manny. But, at least now Papi will be there for Pap.