**OnlineHost** Welcome to White Sox Clubhouse Chat!

Elijah_Price: Hey Jim. I, uh, just got traded here. You know where I can find the general manager?

WordUpThome: KENNY WILL

WordUpThome: KENNY WILLIAMS WILL

WordUpThome: KENNY WILLIAMS WILL BE BACK SOON

UNTIL THEN HE HAS FAUCETED GOOD OLD JIM TO BE HIS ANGEL'S ADVOCATE

Elijah_Price: You're general manager?

So you were the one to trade for me?

WordUpThome: YEP

ACCORDING TO THIS BOOK YOU ARE A BRIGHT YOUNG STAR WHO IS STAR IS THE LIMIT

Elijah_Price: ...what book

WordUpThome: OH JUST SOME SWELL PIECE OF KICKSHAW I BOUGHT AT A YARDED SALE

/holds up book

Elijah_Price: The April 1991 edition of Tuff Stuff?

WordUpThome: INDEED SO

DO YOU HAVE ANY LANCE BLANKENCHIP CARDS I CAN TRADE FOR

Elijah_Price: Look, I think you may have seriously messed up here.

**OnlineHost** Frank Viola has entered the chat room.

and_VIOLA: yeah ey ow y'doin there

WordUpThome: HELLO FRANK AND WELCOME TO CELL PHONE INC. PRESENTS THE CHICAGOED WHITE SOX

and_VIOLA: yeah ey where you want m'duffel bag

/spins around

mmmhey

/heaves duffel bag into wall, hop-steps into a hammock which is in the clubhouse for some reason, takes a nap

Elijah_Price: Jim, seriously. He looks like he guy from Weekend at Bernie's. I thought he was dead.

WordUpThome: THE LAST TIME I HEARD "HE'S DEAD JIM" I WAS WATCHING THE WREATH OF KHAN, AND IT WAS PRETTY NEAT AND SO ARE YOU

**OnlineHost** Howard Johnson has entered the chat room.

HoJoTheDogfacedBoy: /struts in with duffel bag, outstretches hand

My name's Howard Johnson. Someone lookin' for a man to go 40-40 with the beard and the name of a motel chain! I can do it! I can do this, too!

HoJoTheDogfacedBoy: /does invisible hot dog thing with two pointed fingers

HoJoTheDogfacedBoy: Look at me! Look, want to see me do Bobby's World? UNCLE TED UNCLE TED

Elijah_Price: what the hell is going on

HoJoTheDogfacedBoy: /murmurs in Jack Nicholson's Joker voice

wait'll they get a load a me!

HoJoTheDogfacedBoy: /throws duffel bag into blades of ceiling fan, runs away

Elijah_Price: who the hell was that

WordUpThome: THAT MY FINE FEATHERED FRIEND WAS THE MOST BEARDED HITTER TO EVER PLAY THE GAME

Elijah_Price: He's kind of a spaz.

WordUpThome: HE'S JUST AN EX

WordUpThome: EXCITEABLE BOY

**OnlineHost** Chris Sabo has entered the chat room.

SaboToothTiger: hullo

i um i got traded for

WordUpThome: IT SAYS HERE IN MY ISSUE OF TOUGH STOUGH THAT YOU ARE A FIVE TOOL THREAT

AND YOUR 1990 TOPPS CARD MAY HIT 30 CENTS BY MIDSEASON

SaboToothTiger: oh cool

oh well ill probly get to bed

SaboToothTiger: /steps into empty duffel bag, lies down, zips self inside

WordUpThome: WH

WHA

ARE YOU FROM THE FUTURE

WordUpThome: MR. GRIFFEY ISN'T THIS GREAT

Elijah_Price: No, it isn't. Why the hell did you acquire any of these butt holes? Why the hell did you acquire me? I'm not going to help! I've spent like 95% of my career on the disabled list!

WordUpThome: WELL GET OFF DISABLED LIST AND ON THIS ABLED LIST

A MAGAZINE COULD NOT CALL ITSELF "TOUGH STOUGH" IF IT WASN'T RIGHT ALL THE TIME

**OnlineHost** Mike Bielecki has entered the chat room.

BieleckiestManOnEarth: /hops into clubhouse with duffel bag as one would in a sack race

HI GUYS

Elijah_Price: oh my god