The Dugout: Famous On The Internet

Text Size A A A

I don't care how good he's playing he still looks weird in that uniform. Like when I'm playing MLB The Show 08 for the PS3 and turn on the fantasy draft. Juan Pierre is an Oriole and he's driven in 160 runs before the All-Star Break!

In tonight's Dugout, after the jump, the heel turn continues as Manny learns valuable lessons about humility, Internet phenomena, and bottled water licensing agreements.

The Dugout

	EthierOr: Hey bro, what's up? What're you watching?
	DoctorProctor: "The Jungle Book." But it's hard to keep track of what's going on because I can't remember this bear's name
	EthierOr: "Think Baloo"
	Online Host MannyBoutTown has entered the chatroom followed by a throng of paparazzi.
	BritneysPeers: MANNY MANNY SHOW US YOUR SLUGGING PERCENTAGE SHOW US YOUR .OPS MANNY MANNY OVER HERE
	MannyBoutTown: /puts palm onto camera lense You're in my personal space, brother. One question at a time. Manny has things to do!
	BritneysPeers: Insufferable Prick, TMZ./holds up microphone Manny, any major difference between playing in Boston and playing in L.A.?
	MannyBoutTown: You know I just want to stay focused and go out there and play the game to the best of my abilities.
	MannyBoutTown: The Dodgers organization has been gracious in response to my request that they enthicken the left field wall so I will have a cubbie in which to place phone calls during boring parts of the game.
	MannyBoutTown: And now instead of regular bottled water in my back pocket I carry around Ethos™
	MannyBoutTown: Oh, right, and the people here deserve a player like Manny Ramirez and nobody takes a swing at me when I jog out onto the field /does that horrible rapper laugh
	Reporter: Manny, my question is a two-parter. Firstly, do you want to play spies?
	MannyBoutTown: No, absolutely not.
	Reporter: Taking that into consideration, do you know what spies do?
	MannyBoutTown: No further questions. I'm done. Get those cameras out of my GET THOSE- /roughs up camera man
	Torreumon: You heard the man, everybody out, come on, everybody
	Online Host Torreumon has herded the paparazzi out of the clubhouse despite curveballs along the way.
	DoctorProctor: whoa
	EthierOr: Manny, I think you're the most famous person I've ever met.
	pennywise: you're so famous i kinda want to start dating you
	MannyBoutTown: Yes, well, now that I'm out of the small market of Boston my talents can really shine. S'all about market share, chumps.
	Torreumon: been meaning to talk to you about that hair
	MannyBoutTown: Are they selling blue and brown souvenir "neatly cropped caesars" at the Dodgers team shop?
	Torreumon: /picks nose
	MannyBoutTown: Do they sell the Andre Ethier crappy-matted hat-hair at the kiosks? Yeah, that's what I thought.
	EthierOr: aw, but I've kinda got Groucho Marx hair /removes hat, tussles hair
	MannyBoutTown: wait a minute /removes airbrushed sunglasses Who is that guy across the room, minding his own business?
	BeimelRage: /types at computer desk
	DoctorProctor: That's just Joe, he's an MLB Journeyman.
	EthierOr: he is the closest thing our generation has to a Bip Roberts.
	MannyBoutTown: Why isn't he looking at me? Why isn't he paying attention to me? /face reddens
	DoctorProctor: oh don't mind Joey, he's just not impressed because he's already famous.
	MannyBoutTown: Famous? I've never heard of him!
	DoctorProctor: No, the actual kind of famous. "Famous on the Internet."
	EthierOr: You know how Dark Knight came out (awesome btw) and Heath Ledger was awesome in it, and housewives and people who work at restaurants were like "who's he? I've never heard of him!"
	EthierOr: even though he got an Oscar nomination and had been a fairly popular leading actor in movies for like nine years and dramatically died young
	DoctorProctor: Yeah, well, those same people hear "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" and giggle, because "what a crazy kid! I think he's gay!"
	EthierOr: in these fast, modern times you are only truly famous if you are famous for a moment
	DoctorProctor: Why else would people like Jay Bruce?
	MannyBoutTown: Boy! Boy! /grabs Joe Beimel by shoulders What are you doing over here??
	BeimelRage: nm bro just sendin a tex to m'main man troy from west verginia bout this 'larious site i found full a cats lookin stoopid
	BeimelRage: /sends out link, gets 20,000 e-mails in response
	MannyBoutTown: son of a
	MannyBoutTown: I've been one of the best in baseball for 15 years and I've never gotten 20,000 e-mails! For the last eight years I haven't even been using a computer, I've been using a Speak-N-Spell!
	MannyTheTorpedoes: dubble dubble dubble dot yoohoo dot com
	SpeakAndSpell: NOW. SPELL. DOGGIE.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: go to goggle an look up sience
	MannyBoutTown: What's the secret? What do I have to do to be famous on the Internet?
	BeimelRage: first: find two old men
	MannyBoutTown: okay
	BeimelRage: second: take off all of your clothes
	MannyBoutTown: Wait, what?
	BeimelRage: lol maybe not for you billy gates okay try this one: first step, lay down in a bathtub
	BeimelRage: second, put your legs behine your head
	MannyBoutTown: What kind of bullshi- wait a minute... are you a... are you a BLOGGER??
	BeimelRage: first step bend over an grab yer butthole well kinna sorta yeah
	MannyBoutTown: A BLOGGER YOU LET A BLOGGER TALK TO ME /begins shaking with furious anger
	DoctorProctor: haha what's the matter, I've never "meme" you so angry
	EthierOr: Manny Being 4Channy