Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.

A Baseball is Boring event! By request!

Lord of the Pastries asked me to cover a Cardinals game, so I am. God, do I wish I had taken a peek at the Cardinals' schedule in comparison to my own personal schedule before I granted this most expensive of wishes. The Pirates are in town! Smash my head in with a pair of ThunderStix(c)!

THE ESSENTIALS
The Pirates (56-69) start Ian Snell (4-10, 5.91 ERA).
The Cardinals (70-57) start Braden Looper (11-9, 4.07 ERA).

ANALYSIS
Cardinals, oftentimes seen as vicious birds, wouldn't stand a chance against a boat filled with Pirates. Pirates unleashing their Parrots upon the Cardinals? Different story.

PREDICTION
Both teams play poorly enough to the point where I begin liveblogging a synopsis from a random episode of Two and a Half Men.

QUICK NOTE ABOUT THIS LIVE BLOG
From here forth, my banal and worthless commentary can be read in the box below. It updates much like a one-way instant messenger conversation does, which means you do not need to keep refreshing the page. Feel free to comment in the box at the bottom -- if your sentiment is funny or poorly-informed enough, I may just post it in the blog. Enjoy!