When I was a kid, I had a poster stapled to my bedroom wall. Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, Tom Glavine, and Steve Avery, all stone-faced and holding baseballs. In retrospect, Avery sort of served as abstract representation of the obligatory placeholder. First it was him, then it was Denny Neagle, then Kevin Millwood. They were not individuals; they were the nameless rabble of exploding drummers from Spinal Tap.
If Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz end up retiring this year, and hit the Hall of Fame ballot simultaneously, what becomes of Avery? Bizarre gardening accident?
This evening's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
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theGLAVINATOR: So your ERA this year is what? |
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maddux.xmission.com: 3.99 |
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theGLAVINATOR: And how old are you? |
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maddux.xmission.com: 400 |
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jewish_smores: Damn! You've ERA'd your age! |
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maddux.xmission.com: it ain't nothin' but an effective measure of runs given up per nine innings |
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jewish_smores: So listen, guys. I know we're hesitant to bring this up, but the writing's on the wall. We're getting old. My arm is blown out. Glavine's arm just up and fell off the other day. |
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jewish_smores: Wouldn't it be great -- nay, magical -- if we were to enter the Hall of Fame in the same year? |
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theGLAVINATOR: Yeah, think about that. The Fab Fthree up on that stage in Cooperstown-- |
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maddux.xmission.com: Wait, Fab Fthree? Is that how the expression went? |
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theGLAVINATOR: Hmm. Yeah, I mean, it would have to be. There were three of us, right? |
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jewish_smores: Unless... |
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**OnlineHost** Steve Avery has entered the chat room. |
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Averyday: hey guys, what's real good? couldn't you hook your best bud up with a chat invite? |
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maddux.xmission.com: ahhhhhh I knew we forgot Mark Wohlers! |
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Averyday: no |
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theGLAVINATOR: Denny Neagle? |
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Averyday: no |
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jewish_smores: um jeff blauser? |
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Averyday: no |
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maddux.xmission.com: Oh! Oh! Christian Laettner? |
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jewish_smores: andre rison! |
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theGLAVINATOR: manon rheume! |
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Averyday: OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS I'M STEVE AVERY THE FOURTH MEMBER OF THE FAB FOUR |
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jewish_smores: Ohhhh. Oh man. This guy! The Fab Four! Yeah, I remember you. |
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Averyday: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be on the Hall of Fame ballot in '09, but I was thinking about coming back this season, just so I can get in the Hall the same time you guys do. |
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Averyday: It's a pretty strong class. I'm mentioned in the same sentence as Ron Gant and Dan Plesac! |
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jewish_smores: are those the guys who invented google i guess i don't have a problem with that |
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Averyday: But yeah. Think about it. The Fab Four, all on stage at the same time, accepting our plaques at the same moment. I mean, we're the most iconic group of four to ever exist, right? I mean, if we were in Seinfeld-- |
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jewish_smores: i'd be jerry |
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theGLAVINATOR: kramer |
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maddux.xmission.com: george |
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Averyday: newman damn it |
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Averyday: Well, if we were in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-- |
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theGLAVINATOR: dennis |
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maddux.xmission.com: mac |
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jewish_smores: mac again |
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Averyday: charlie son of a |
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Averyday: Okay, well if we were the kids in Home Improvement |
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maddux.xmission.com: brad |
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theGLAVINATOR: randy |
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jewish_smores: mark |
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Averyday: tim and jill's unrealized fourth child; the daughter jill wished she had to continue a feminine legacy, but reconciled her feelings after a heart-to-heart with wilson |
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Averyday: ... screw you guys |
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
8-19-2008 @ 11:59PM
Tom Fornelli said...
Was there anything Wilson's wisdom and shiny forehead couldn't fix?
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 1:33AM
petejayhawk said...
If not, perhaps Nastia Liukin's shiny forehead can.
Holy crap that's off-topic...
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 5:14PM
Gleebo said...
Letting Charlie Leibrandt go and signing Maddux was probably the worst move in the history of baseball....
Oh, poor Steve Avery.
I wonder what Pedro Borbon is up to these days?
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 2:41PM
TomahawkFlop said...
See also John Burkett, Russ Ortiz, and Jaret Wright.
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 2:41PM
rob said...
Now that Maddux and Ethier are reunited in Los Angeles does this mean we get to experience the much awaited comeback of one of my favorite gags?
I mean, at first I thought this would surely bring it back, but then I thought 'Nah forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air.' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later.' I looked at my kingdom. I was finally there. To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air!
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 2:41PM
Rob said...
haha all i had to do was scroll down!
you guys are en fuego.
Reply
8-20-2008 @ 9:44PM
JohnnyComeLately said...
And if they were the Simpson's children
Glavine - Bart
Maddux - Lisa
Smoltz - Maggie
And Avery could be Bart's evil twin that appeared in Treehouse of Horror VII
Reply
8-21-2008 @ 12:00PM
Gary h said...
Greg Maddux will aquit himself in Los Angeles with the Dodger's. His ERA isn't the 1990's edition, but is good enough to win. The Padre's could not give him any run support, so he lost. Come to think about the Padres they hardly ever give run support to their pitcher's. San Diego should occupy last place for another six years or more. They are the worst team in baseball.
Reply