So you're a Cincinnati Reds fan, and life ain't easy. It's August in Cincy, which means sweltering humidity, the stench of a brown river, and, worst of all, veteran departures from a losing baseball team. You might be getting a little tired of those Reds. But the Reds know how to hold you over. They know how to assuage you. They know how to make you feel alive again. They know how to ... write you a letter.

Written correspondence! Woo!

We had high expectations for the 2008 season. Unfortunately the team has not played up to our expectations and we have sustained injuries to key players within our starting lineup and rotation. We opted to trade Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn at this time because we believe it provided the best outcome for the long-term success of the organization. By executing these inevitable changes now, we secured more players as part of our focus towards building a deeper, stronger inventory of young talent.

There's some more mumbo-jumbo about draft pick signings and stuff, but who cares about that? Where's the part in here that Dusty wrote?

Dear Dudes: Sorry Adam's gone, but I tried to get him to change his swing, and he wouldn't do it. Kept saying something about how he hits 40 home runs a year, and that he doesn't need to change anything. Dude clogged the bases, man. Clogged 'em all up. Anyway, my dog's barking. Be seeing you!

I think that part got edited out.