**OnlineHost** Welcome to Tigers Bullpen Chat!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: who carvt "buttfart" into this bench

what kind of knucklemind would write "buttfart" into a bench

TeachArmandoFish: Coach told me that was you, three years ago.

/opens beverage

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: shut yer up, kyle "spectacular vernacular" farnsworth would never crudely knive such a thing

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what the buttfart are you drinken

TeachArmandoFish: Oh, this? Red Bull. I got a case.

It's supposed to make you throw harder.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what a bunch of beverage, theres no way

TeachArmandoFish: Come on, try one.

/fishes can out of case

Come on. If you drink this, you are THE MAN. You want to be the man, right?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well

yeah

/opens can, shoots contents down throat

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ugh

this tastes like duracell barf

TeachArmandoFish: Yeah, it doesn't taste all that great.

Now pick up a ball and throw. I'll clock it.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /throws

**OnlineRadarGun**

106 MPH

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whoa

TeachArmandoFish: Whoa.

Okay, let's keep drinking.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah

**OnlineHost** An hour later...

TeachArmandoFish: You want to write a novel? Let's write a novel. I've always wanted to write a novel. You want to help me write a novel? You want to write it for me?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok ok ok i'll be the ghostrider

/attempts to set own head on fire

**OnlineHost** An hour later...

TeachArmandoFish: Wow! We're really plowing through this! Six chapters in the books!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok so how does colonel gunpowder break the news to his superiors

TeachArmandoFish: Um

Umumumumummm

Telegram! He sends a telegram to the Chief of Staff!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sorry about the failt mission to uruguay STOP i feel that this is the appropriate time to tell you ive been in league with the drug lords the whole time STOP i feel that we are at a precipice that we cannot dare back away from STOP we will make a new world, you and i STOP

TeachArmandoFish: I think there should be a sword in it. Make one of them have a sword.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /unsteadily writes "sword" on blank side of season guide with trembling hand

**OnlineHost** An hour later...

**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth and Armando Galarraga are slouched against a wall, surrounded by a dozen discarded Red Bull cans.

TeachArmandoFish: ugggh

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: errrghhhh

TeachArmandoFish: god i've got a headache

pass me another red bull

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth:

TeachArmandoFish: oh my god, kyle, are you okay, you look dead

/pours Red Bull into mouth

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whuuuhhhUH

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why did you wake me i was having the most wonderful comatose

TeachArmandoFish: /shotguns another Red Bull

**OnlineHost** The next day...

GotMeOnMyKnees: Armando. I just got back from the bullpen. It's a mess. I demand an explanation.

TeachArmandoFish: Look, I'm sorry. We started drinking Red Bull, and...well, we didn't stop until the whole case was gone.

GotMeOnMyKnees: There are a bunch of 2x4s crudely nailed together. Someone took a Sharpie and wrote "WELCOME" on the pitching rubber.

GotMeOnMyKnees: There's a modest stock of health and beauty products nailed to one of the boards.

There's what appears to be a robot made out of Red Bull cans that is particularly unhelpful.

GotMeOnMyKnees: Were...were you attempting to construct a

TeachArmandoFish: a Rite Aid, yeah

...

about 18 cans in, we decided we wanted to start an enterprise and that the location was viable

TeachArmandoFish: i think, i really don't know

GotMeOnMyKnees: god

Well, where the hell is Kyle?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth:

GotMeOnMyKnees: What's wrong with him?

TeachArmandoFish: I believe it's given him Wingdings.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: