There are some headlines I never expect to see when I'm flipping through the newspaper in the morning, or just surfing around the internet. It happened to me this morning in fact when I was reading the Chicago Sun-Times and found out that Jay Mariotti is stepping down as the paper's lead sports columnist (and Chicagoans everywhere wonder who will tell them their teams suck).

Then there are those headlines I read that don't surprise me at all, and I saw one of those this morning as well. It read: Royals Jose Guillen restrained from heckler. The only shocking thing about that headline is that the Royals actually have fans, because we already know Jose is bat-poop crazy.

Kauffman Stadium security removed the fan, who started in on Guillen after he stopped at first base in the second inning after hitting a drive off the wall in left field.

"When I got that hit to left field, that guy started saying all kinds of stuff. 'Why didn't I make it to second?"' Guillen said. "Hey, I hit the ball hard. People who know baseball know the guy (Rangers left fielder Marlon Byrd) made a nice play. I had no chance to make it to second. I can deal with that."

When Guillen flied out to left to end the fourth, the fan's heckling apparently escalated.

"The (next) at-bat, when I hit the ball to left field, he said the magic words," Guillen said. "Something personal about my family. I don't deal well with that. That's enough right there."

No offense, Jose, but I don't think you deal well with anything. In fact, you're probably on your way to my place right now for writing this. I'm not worried about it, though. I'm sure that while you're driving here some squirrel will cross the road in front of you and you'll take it as a personal affront and forget all about me.

You know, because you're crazy. As hell. Seriously. Get help.