The Dugout: 536

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Deep and sincere kudos to our classic namesake for hitting yet another milestone in his storied, rosy-cheeked, Faulknerian man-child career. 536 is something to be proud of, even if it's still 33 less than Rafael Palmeiro.

HEY GUYS, the last Dugout of August is after the jump.

The Dugout

	WordUpThome: /hits dinger
	Online Host Congratulations to Jim Thome for hitting his 536th career home run, tying Mickey Mantle for 14th on the All-Time List!
	WordUpThome: /rounds bases
	Online Host The ghost of Mickey Mantle has descended into the chatroom!
	TheMick: Wow, good goin', kid, couldn't a happened to a nicer guy!
	WordUpThome: ACTOR TOM JANE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR KIDS BACK
	TheMick: Naw Jim, it's Mickey Mantle! You just tied me on the home run list so I thought I'd come down and haunt ya fer a bit
	WordUpThome: DID YOU COME DOWN FROM THE MANSION OF HEAVEN CHATROOM
	TheMick: I uh, well, I... /looks around Say how'd you know about the Mansion of Heaven?
	WordUpThome: SOMETIMES I WANT TO CHAT WITH MY PALS OR I HAVE A REPORT DUE ON DINNASAURS SO I MAKE LOGS ONTO THE INSTANT MESSAGER
	WordUpThome: AND THIS FLY IN TH' WORLD WIDE WEB STARTS TYPIN "HEY GUYS ITS JIM THOME" BUT HAS TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY USING THE CHATROOM
	WordUpThome: MOST OF THE TIME IT'S YOU, BABE RUTH, AND THERMAL MUNSON DOING HANDPLANTS OR JUDOED MADONNAS OR SOMETHING
	WordUpThome: IT IS AN A-AND-B CONVERSATION SO I "MAKE" MY WAY OUT OF IT IT'S USUALLY OVER IN ABOUT 30 LINES AND I FEEL MORE HEARTENED FOR HAVING READ OF IT
	TheMick: Sorry 'bout that, son! Not a whole lot to do in Heaven besides enjoy yourself and make some skateboard tricks.
	WordUpThome: I HAVE LONG PONDERED DEATH AS WORLD OF WARCRAFT WITH A HARPSICORD SOUNDTRACK
	TheMick: Whaddaya mean?
	WordUpThome: IT IS A MAGICAL NEW WORLD WITH NO REAL PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES AND EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A COOLER VERSION OF THEMSELFS
	WordUpThome: THE HARP IS PERVIDED BY NUMEROUS NUDE YOUNG'NS LAID UPON BEAN-BAGGISH CLOUDS
	TheMick: no I mean what in the hell is a "world of warcraft"
	WordUpThome: A PICTURESQUE NEW LIFE IN WHITE SOX HEAVEN DRINKING VOLATILED RUM WITH ROBIN VENTURA AND SETTING STAMINA TO TANK WITH THE NEW SHOEFUL JOE JACKSON
	TheMick: Robin Ventura died?
	WordUpThome: OH YEAH
	WordUpThome: HIS COUNTENANCE AND FACE WERE RENDERED ASUNDER BY A NOLAN RYAN NOOGIE AND HE DIED THERE ON THE MOUND
	WordUpThome: EACH MORNING THIS OLE TOP POURS OUT A VANILLA COLA POP TO HONOR HIS MEMORY /looks over Mickey's shoulder
	TheMick: What? What's going on? /looks back over shoulder
	WordUpThome: NOTHIN MY COACH IS JUMPING UP AND JUMPING DOWN IN THE DUGOUT AND WAVING AT ME FURIOUSLY
	TheMick: heh, could have somethin' to do with the fact that you've been standin' here at third base talking to a ghost for the last five minutes
	WordUpThome: /looks over Mickey's shoulder again YES THAT SEEMS FAIRLY ACCURATE NOW HE IS CALLING ME A G. DARN JERKY? I THINK? SO I SHOULD PICK THEM UP AND THEN PUT THE ONES I PICKED UP DOWN
	TheMick: I hear you, brother. Touch 'em all so it counts!
	WordUpThome: THANKS AGAIN DEAD MICKEY MANTLE YOU REALLY DO LOOK A LOT LIKE THOMAS JANE /touches third, trots home
	WordUpThome: OH BEFORE I FERGET... /stops, turns to Mickey
	WordUpThome: WHEN I'VE HIT MORE DINGERS THAN THE COMMERCED COMET, WHO IS NEXT ON THE LIST
	TheMick: uh, you don't wanna know
	e5_rod: YOO HOOOOOO /waves handkerchief
	WordUpThome: /looks at Rodriguez /looks down at home plate
	WordUpThome: /jogs around home plate, heads back into the dugout
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: /collapses
	WordUpThome: HEY MICKEY
	TheMick: Yeah, Jim?
	WordUpThome: REMIND ME TO BUNT NEXT TIME I'M UP

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

9-01-2008 @ 12:19AM

Ashwini said...

Homeless Dad definitely seems more Thome's type of movie than Junk.

9-01-2008 @ 1:18AM

Donut King said...

THERMAL MUNSON . . . JUDOED MADONNAS . . .

Yes, that has to be the JI

JIM THOME we all know and love.

Good work B

9-02-2008 @ 1:48AM

Gleebo said...

One has to wonder if Jim Thome can use the cornballer considering his spotty history involving cooking equipment.

More Arrested Development references! Genius!