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7-3-1985
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PecotaLitter: Things are getting tougher and tougher here in Omaha; as of today I'm hitting only .240, but my OPS is up to .639 and climbing! |
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OnYourMark: what the shock is a OPS, how many taters did you crank |
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PecotaLitter: Only one. But it propelled my team to victory! |
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OnYourMark: pfff, yer never gonna make it to the bigs with 240 and 1, you gotta be more like me, under 200 with upwards of 80 |
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PecotaLitter: Never make it to the bigs... no, it could not be so... /looks up wistfully at the stars
How do you do it, Mark-David?
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OnYourMark: steroids and lots of it
i'm gonna hit like 50 home runs in my rookie year, watch me
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PecotaLitter: Oh. /clenches fists
Not even for a life in the Majors could I allow my guiltlessness to come to harm in that way. You could even say I consider the preservation of that as my goal, my job.
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OnYourMark: dont be blue bro how about this, your a nerd right, how abouts i recommend a book to help you out |
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PecotaLitter: The Hidden Game of Baseball? |
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OnYourMark: nope, /hoists enormous book
this
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OnYourMark: this book tells me everything that is going to happen between now and the end of time, including the polar ice caps melting an all this crazy sh*t happenin to africa |
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OnYourMark: but it includes sporting events, so you got the inside scoop on every pitch and every play that's gonna happen
its a lot like the sports almanac from "back to the future 2"
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PecotaLitter: They made a sequel to Back to the Future? It was only just released! |
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OnYourMark: they make it and a terrible third one about cowboys in 1989, its right here /points to page
you wanna see how you turn out /flips to index
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PecotaLitter: Where did you locate such a tome? |
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OnYourMark: i found it at wal-mart
it was the only one left, seemed like it was callin out to me, so i bought it. i'm gonna hit 70 one year!
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PecotaLitter: How could it... wait, no, no, of course not, I could never tamper with the fabric of time in such a way, this would be cheating! |
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OnYourMark: eh, think of it as a performance enhancer /locates "Pecota, Bill" in index
ah, here we go
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OnYourMark: says here you get the base hit that starts a rally that helps the braves come from behind and win game 6 of the 1993 nlcs against the phils, and then you guys sweep the blue jays |
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PecotaLitter: AAAH NO /covers ears |
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8-9-2006
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**Online Host**
ballistic_mitchell has reentered the chatroom. |
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ballistic_mitchell: You know, on second thought, I'm gonna be late for my appointment but I've got to ask... |
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ballistic_mitchell: ...what happened in 2079? With the great light? |
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Mark2Nite: oh well let me find my place /adjusts reading glasses, thumbs through book |
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PECOTA: NO! YOU MUST NOT |
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Mark2Nite: here we go /reads aloud
"When she turned seventy-nine, the world had never looked better. Indeed, it was as if Man was walking away from his adolescence and making the journey into adulthood.
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Mark2Nite: And one wonders why events are timed as they are." |
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PECOTA: GINGER SON! OF POMONA! I COMMAND YOU TO EXTINGUISH THIS FLAME! |
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Mark2Nite: what're you talking about |
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PECOTA: WHEN I SPAKE: YOU MUST READ THEM NOTHING MORE FROM THIS BOOK; IT IS TOO SOON
EVEN THE PART~! ABOUT ROBO-CASTRO
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Mark2Nite: when did you tell me to do that? |
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PECOTA: ONLY MOMENTS A-GO |
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Mark2Nite: I'm not here to talk about the past. /continues reading |
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Mark2Nite: "And one wonders why events are timed as they are. Of course, on her seventy-ninth birthday, the GREAT LIGHT appeared in the sky--" |
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PECOTA: NO |
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ballistic_mitchell: YES! yes! The light! What happened with the light! /begins to sweat |
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Mark2Nite: "--and with it came the bearing of fruit, in the form of a --" |
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PECOTA: NO!!!!! |
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ballistic_mitchell: in the form of what!? IN THE FORM OF WHAT!? /wrings hands |
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Mark2Nite: "--in the form of a man, standing in-"
what're you doing
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PECOTA: IT IS WRITTEN! /creates whip from cords on ground
MY HOUSE! SHALL BE CALLED THE HOUSE OF BASEBALL; BUT YE! HAVE MADE IT A DEN OF THIEVES!
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PECOTA: /destroys tape recorder
/turns over interview table
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ballistic_mitchell: I must know! For public record! /clings to book |
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PECOTA: YEA HAVE YE NEVER READ /blasts Mitchell with energy bolt from hand |
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ballistic_mitchell: RRAAAGHHHH /begins to evaporate
but I had so many things I wanted to say about... Roger CLEMENSAAAARRRR /dies
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**Online Host**
ballistic_mitchell has left the chatroom. |
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PECOTA: LOOK! UPON YOUR DOINGS
I HOPE THAT THE PEE AND THE POOP! COMING FROM THE SAME HOLE IS WORTH THE DEATH! OF INNOCENCE!
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Mark2Nite: I did not see or hear anything that happened, by the time I'm in the middle of a word I can't even remember what word I'm saying |
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Mark2Nite: not here to talk about the past, et al |
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PECOTA: ET IS NOT ALL
DEATH FOR YOU IS NOT THE ROAD TO AWE, IT IS THE ROAD! TO AW!
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PECOTA: INSTEAD I CURSE YOU! DAMN! /reaches into pouch at belt, throws cloud of dust into McGwire's face |
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Mark2Nite: YECHH, what the hell did you just do!? /rubs eyes |
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PECOTA: YOU WERE ONLY HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE!
NOW! YOU WILL ONLY TALK ABOUT THE PAST!
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Mark2Nite: Man, a minute ago I was going to kick your ass! But now I'm...
I'm...
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Mark2Nite: I'm gonna...
uh...
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Mark2Nite: /thinks for a moment
/bugs out eyes
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Mark2Nite: Oh God! |
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**Online Host**
TO BE CONTINUED! |
A week away has sent us into the past. Unfortunately, we are not employed by FanHouse to talk about the past. Well, Mark McGwire is ready to talk about the past, so the least we could do is the first true sequel to a pre-FanHouse Dugout from the past where we talked about talking about the future. 
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
9-06-2008 @ 11:57PM
Donut King said...
PECOTA: ET IS NOT ALL
Wordplay kicks ass.
Reply
9-08-2008 @ 12:57AM
sandra dee said...
I love the Pecota = Jesus references guys. It totally made me crack up.
Reply
9-08-2008 @ 2:50PM
Knasty Mike said...
Oh hell yes.
Reply