The Dugout: Mark McGwire Is Here To Talk About The Future II Part 2 of 2

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Prerequisites:

Mark McGwire Is Here To Talk About The Future

Mark McGwire Is Here To Talk About The Future II Part 1

Make sure to read those before continuing on to part 2 of tonight's Dugout, unless you want it to make even less sense than it does to me.

In part 2: Mark McGwire can now ONLY talk about the past, we get the return of a couple of G1 characters (one of whom is a sweet mode of transportation), and at last the true form of PECOTA is revealed. Leave us some comments, enjoy the lore, and be here for the start of the biggest sci-fi epic of the summer. Which is, uh, almost over.

Part 2, after the jump.

The Dugout

	Mark2Nite: god no, how long will this last?? /covers mouth
	PECOTA: PECOTA IS NOT! HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE
	PECOTA: THAT! WAS A LITTLE MYSTICAL PROTECTORATE OF BASEBALLS INNOCENCE HUMOR THE CURSE WILL LAST UNTIL! YOU COME TO TERMS WITH: YOUR GUILT!
	PECOTA: OR UNTIL YOU GET INTO THE HALL OF FAME WHICHEVER COMES FIRST
	PECOTA: L!OL
	Online Host PECOTA has wheelied out of the chatroom.
	Mark2Nite: /takes off size 14 7/8 hat /wipes brow
	9-6-2008
	Online Host Welcome to the McGwire Family Home Chatroom!
	TheGwire: /jabs spoon indiscriminately into bowl of cereal
	MarkMcWifer: /quietly washes dishes
	LittleMac: /licks waffle /presses waffle to forehead
	LittleMac: daddy which do you like better froot loop or cinamon toes crunch
	TheGwire: /points to box of Froot Loops
	LittleMac: i like foot loop too theyr a fun shape its a loop daddy daddy whatcha doin t'day
	TheGwire: /shrugs
	LittleMac: daddy why did you set up a chatroom for the family t'have breakfast in why din we just use the kitchin
	TheGwire: /remains silent
	LittleMac: daddy whym i not aging
	TheGwire: /takes deep breath /opens mouth Napoleon I was a French military and political leader who had a significant impact on the history of Europe. He was a general during the French Re- /closes mouth
	MarkMcWifer: Matty honey, leave your father alone, you know that he can only talk about the past.
	LittleMac: sorry /folds waffle in half /tries to stick waffle in ear
	TheGwire: ARGH /smashes fist into cereal bowl
	Online Host TheGwire has stormed out of the chatroom.
	LittleMac: momma why dont i ever age
	MarkMcWifer: because your father has taken so many vitamins that his reproductive organ shoots protein shake
	LittleMac: i dont unnerstand
	MarkMcWifer: the stork snorted HGH
	LittleMac: momma why do i hafta wear a helmet at breakfast
	MarkMcWifer: finish your froot loops honey
	Online Host Welcome to the McGwire Family Home's Porch Chatroom!
	TheGwire: Wasn't there to talk about the past. Wasn't there to talk about the past. Wasn't there to talk about... about... /buries head in hands
	TheGwire: God, what did I do? /weeps
	TheGwire: Come to terms with my guilt. That's what you wanted me to do, right, Bill? Was that right, Bill? Well, I knew back then how I was going to come to terms with it!
	TheGwire: I was going to... was going to.. get into the hall of fame... /collapses melodramatically into the grass
	Online Host Mark.
	TheGwire: Huh? That voice, it couldn't have been...
	PECOTA: Hello, Mark. It has been! a long time.
	TheGwire: But how? You look so...
	PECOTA: The image you seek is not me; it is the 1988 Topps #433. The breaking of ties! to this world has changed me.
	PECOTA: Perhaps! you would be more comfortable with my true form!
	TheGwire: True... form?
	Online Host The McGwire Family Home's Front Yard and Porch Chatrooms have become engulfed in a brilliant blue energy.
	TheGwire: /shields eyes
	PECOTA: I AM THE PROTECTORATE! SAID THE SPIRIT. LOOK UPON ME!
	TheGwire: Oh my GOD what happened to you??
	PECOTA: LIFE AND DEATH! APPEARED TO ME IDEAL BOUNDS, WHICH I SHOULD FIRST! BREAK THROUGH, AND POUR A TORRENT OF LIGHT INTO! OUR DARK WORLD!
	PECOTA: I HAVE RE! TURNED TO THIS REALM TO RESTORE BRIGHTNESS TO THIS GAME :: TO DO SO, I MUST START! WITH YOU
	TheGwire: Me? I was just in the yard because
	PECOTA: BECAUSE YOU ARE A YARD TARD! ARE YOU IN THE HALL OF FAME YET
	TheGwire: I'm... no? No, not yet.
	PECOTA: THEN HURRY YOUR BURGUNDY ASS! UP AND TALK ABOUT THE PAST
	TheGwire: Sorry! /clears throat It has been argued that Smoot-Hawley was an attempt by the Republican Party to deal with the problem of overcapacity that plagued the U.S. economy in the 1910s and 1920s, which was..
	PECOTA: ONE MORE WORD AND I WILL HAUGHTILY SMITE YOU SPEAK!
	TheGwire: /looks around with terror in eyes Eli Whitney invented the-
	PECOTA: A MAN'S VERY HIGHEST MOMENT IS! I HAVE NO DOUBT AT ALL! WHEN HE KNEELS IN THE DUST AND BEATS HIS BREAST AND TELLS ALL THE SINS OF HIS LIFE
	TheGwire: was... was that Oscar Wilde?
	PECOTA: YES?
	TheGwire: Shouldn't you be a big PINK naked guy, then?
	PECOTA: SILENCE~!
	TheGwire: /cowers
	PECOTA: SAY IT!
	TheGwire: say what? say what??
	PECOTA: SAY IT! OPEN YOUR THROAT AND SAY IT TO THE WORLD!
	TheGwire: I don't know what to say! I don't know what to say! /weeps
	PECOTA: DO NOT, OR DID NOT
	TheGwire: I... /thinks about what was said
	TheGwire: I cheated at baseball. It's semantics, but basically I cheated at baseball.
	TheGwire: I should've just said something about it a long time ago, when it would've mattered. When it might've helped somebody.
	TheGwire: I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry.
	PECOTA: IT IS COOL! MAN, IT IS REALLY NOT A BIG DEAL WE JUST WISH YOU WOULD BE NORMAL ABOUT IT
	PECOTA: /puts hand on McGwire's shoulder DO YOU STILL HAVE THE TOME?
	TheGwire: No, no, I threw it away years ago. No idea where it ended up.
	PECOTA: GOOD. DO NOT PURCHASE! ANY MORE BOOKS FROM WAL-MART
	PECOTA: UNLESS IT IS EVERYDAY ITALIAN BY GIADA! DE LAURENTIIS BECAUSE SHE IS A GOOD COOK AND A QUALITY FOX
	TheGwire: Understood. What's next for you? Now that you're back...
	PECOTA: I MUST DESTROY THE EASTERN UNITED STATES WITH QUAKING EARTH! SO THAT ZACH DUKE WILL PITCH A GOOD GAME FOR ONCE
	PECOTA: TO ME! MY BIKE!
	Online Host Suddenly, from over the horizon...
	PECOTASBIKE: VRRRROOOOM VRROOOOMMMM
	TheGwire: Goodbye, Pecota! And thank you for everything! Goodbye! Goodbye! /Vampire Hunter D goodbye music
	Online Host Meanwhile, back in the McGwire Family Home Chatroom!
	LittleMac: /unzips front of pants /pours froot loopy milk into fly nyah hee hee
	MarkMcWifer: /washes hands
	GoldBonds: knock knock excuse me /leans into kitchen, knocks on door frame
	GoldBonds: sorry to interrupt your breakfist but i notice your husband on the lawn with a nekkid smurf so i thought id inquire about becomin the new man of your house hold
	MarkMcWifer: Who are you? What're you doing in my house? I'm calling the police!
	GoldBonds: no ma'm no ma'am at all i am famous at baseball i can perform many tasks aroun the home including bread winning an the raising of your-
	GoldBonds: uh oh kid you got loops in ya britches
	Online Host TheGwire has reentered the chatroom!
	TheGwire: Sweetheart, guess what! I just talked with- Oh hey Barry what's up
	GoldBonds: sorry just sellin tuppawares i'ma be on my way have a good evenin ma'am, sir
	TheGwire: All right man, take it easy!
	GoldBonds: /makes "call me" gesture to wife

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

9-06-2008 @ 10:34PM

Randall said...

Dr. Manhattan, Kansas! BRILLIANT!

9-06-2008 @ 11:23PM

JimDog said...

"BECAUSE YOU ARE A YARD TARD!"

I am laughing! out loud!

9-06-2008 @ 11:57PM

Donut King said...

He returns . . . he screws with the mind of a reclusive former MLB'er that should be in the Hall but probably won't get there for awhile . . . and then he motors off.

IF ONLY! the current Royals players ever had that power. THEY WOULD BE! unstoppable.

Great work B!