The Dugout: Welcome to the NL Cy Young Award 2008 Chatroom!

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Now that baseball season is almost over, it's time to completely forget about baseball and focus on awards season! My original idea for tonight's Dugout was the AL Cy Young Award 2008 Chatroom, but that ended up being Cliff Lee bouncing a rubber ball against a wall for 35 panels, so here is that Dugout's hotly-contested National League equivalent. On second thought, they should just give that to Cliff Lee too.

Tonight's Dugout, with all the speculation and obsessive statistical analysis you come to the Internet for, is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the oh, we did that already
	bud_is_wiser: ...and because this is how Major League Baseball awards work, you're going to tell me why you do and why you do not deserve the NL Cy Young for 2008.
	bud_is_wiser: First up, Johan Santana of the New York Mets.
	JohanSolo: I've got over two-hundred strikeouts, my era is 2.53, and I'm 16-7 but if the Mets had a bullpen I'd be like 80-7.
	JohanSolo: I am generally accepted as the best pitcher in the league, and I built a house on the beach this summer.
	bud_is_wiser: Really. How'd that go?
	JohanSolo: It's great, I designed it from the bottom-up and built it by hand right there on the sand. I even built a huge deck around back. Finished it up in, say, late May?
	bud_is_wiser: That sounds really nice. Did you get a chance to go there a lot this year?
	JohanSolo: Oh yeah, definitely, every couple of weeks I'd call ESPN and go "you guys gotta come over and check out my house, it's the best house ever"
	JohanSolo: I had guests over all summer, June, July, August, and everyone said "wow, this is the best house ever, I have never seen a house this good"
	JohanSolo: ... and then in September I heard a weird noise, and my deck collapsed and my entire house was sucked under the sand.
	bud_is_wiser: Ooh, that's a shame. How much did it cost you?
	JohanSolo: 137 million dollars
	bud_is_wiser: /hits cymbal /writes "explain wise man's allegory/make aware of Jesus' wonderous plan" under "Johan Santana" on clipboard
	bud_is_wiser: Okay, who's next... Brandon Webb of the Arizona Diamondbacks, why should you be Cy Young?
	BrandonOfSpiderman: I am 22-7!
	bud_is_wiser: all right, and why shouldn't you be the Cy Young
	BrandonOfSpiderman: because in mid-September our team started wearing Dodgers hats and thinking about blue and really you can barely consider us a team at all
	BrandonOfSpiderman: Randy Johnson wanted me to ask you if he could be Cy Young again this year
	bud_is_wiser: uh, no
	BrandonOfSpiderman: his ERA is 4.11 which he thinks is pretty funny because it means "information" and when you're looking up his ERA you're looking for information, so when you find it you're really-
	bud_is_wiser: /makes as much noise as possible while flipping through papers Tim Lincecum. The Giants. Go.
	TimTheEnchanter: Hi, my name is Tim Lincecum and I play for the San Francisco Giants team!
	TimTheEnchanter: I have a 2.62 ERA, I am 18-5, and I lead the Major Leagues with 265 strikeouts. I am 21 years younger than Randy Johnson.
	bud_is_wiser: And why shouldn't you win?
	TimTheEnchanter: I have "cum" in my name and am the professional sports equivalent of Danny Noriega? I don't know, all things considered I am pretty much the best pitcher.
	bud_is_wiser: Okay, then what's your crazy story about not making it to the postseason?
	TimTheEnchanter: crazy story? nah dude I play for the Giants, we aren't even within extra-sensory perception of the stank from the postseason
	TimTheEnchanter: our manager still pencils in "Barry Bonds" in left every afternoon
	bud_is_wiser: Oh I forgot your team wasn't any good, yeah, you can't be Cy Young /tears "Tim Lincecum" page in half
	bud_is_wiser: CC Sabathia of the Milwaukee Brewers, it's your turn to-
	NeedsABathia: WOOOOO GOIN TO THE PLAYOFFS BABY NO DOUBT
	bud_is_wiser: -tell us why you should be the-
	NeedsABathia: WOOO DON'T CARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS /is drenched in booze by teammates
	bud_is_wiser: ... all right, well if you get the time to think about it just send me a-
	NeedsABathia: NOPE, NO TIME, GOTTA GO TO BED IMMEDIATELY, I'M PITCHING FIVE TIMES IN THE NLDS WOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!
	Online Host NeedsABathia has left the chatroom.
	BrandonOfSpiderman: whoa
	TimTheEnchanter: That guy must be the happiest person in the world.
	JohanSolo: If I bought a ticket to that game, d'ya think they'd let me pitch? I'm really good!
	bud_is_wiser: Quiet down everybody, quiet down. I've still got to choose a Cy Young, so I guess one of you is going to have to be it.
	HanksForNothing: Why make them fight over it? I've got enough Cy Young awards for everyone!
	JohanSolo: wow, really?
	TimTheEnchanter: coo-walllll
	HanksForNothing: Yes, yes, just get into the back of this van and we'll start handing out some awards!
	Online Host JohanSolo, TimTheEnchanter, and BrandonOfSpiderman have gotten into the back of HanksForNothing's van. Online Host HanksForNothing's van has left the chatroom.
	bud_is_wiser: oh god dammit
	bud_is_wiser: This year's NL Cy Young is Ryan Dempster, who cares
	DempsterSlut: /pumps fist

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

9-29-2008 @ 2:46PM

rusell2120 said...

thank you for the TimTheEnchanter. We've been trying for that nickname over the freak forever.

Also, hahahahhahahahahaha.

9-29-2008 @ 4:30PM

dima said...

Timmy Lincecum. No doubt. Consider the Giants' bulklpen couldn't hold onto 5 Lincecum leads, and the D-backs only lost 1 game where Webb left with a lead. If those leads were held, Lincecum would be 22-5, as opposed to Webb's 22-7.
Can't blame the best pitcher in baseball for playing on a lousy team.

Um, also, strikouts and ERA should play a role.