Dreadlocks! Beards! MVPs! Saves! Your Guide to NLCS Hyperbole

Somehow, the MLB playoffs just aren't dramatic enough for the people charged with announcing them. As if simply describing what's happening in front of them isn't enough, baseball announcers tend to go far past the realm of reality during the playoffs. This hyperbolic tendency is what gave rise to the scrap-tacular David Eckstein and the Dragon Slayer Josh Fogg. In order to ward this off and prepare you for this, I give you the 2008 guide to NLCS hyperbole.

Potential Hyperbole: Tell me this conversation isn't coming:

Tim McCarver: You know, Joe, Manny Ramirez just makes me so angry! He literally slaughtered an innocent puppy and drank his blood in Boston and Theo Epstein had no choice but to trade him! Just made like a vampire right there in the clubhouse!

Joe Buck: Well, Tim, Manny Ramirez might not be a nice guy, but he's the modern equivalent of Atlas! I mean, he picked the Dodgers up on his shoulders and LITERALLY carried them to the playoffs! (preens for the camera)

The Truth: No one understands Manny Ramirez. I don't, you don't, Theo Epstein doesn't, Joe Torre doesn't, and Tim McCarver certainly doesn't. And yes, Manny has been awesome with the Dodgers, but Rafael Furcal, Russell Martin, and James Loney all played huge roles in the sweep of the Cubs. The Dodger are not a one-man show. Pretty much everything said about Manny in this series is going to be an exaggeration.

Potential hyperbole: Ryan Howard is the MVP!!!
The Truth: Howard has a lower on base percentage than Jayson Werth and only third highest VORP. He has a lot of home runs and a ton of RBIs, but he only has those RBIs because the people in front of him get on base and he homers them in. He might win the MVP this year, but that doesn't mean he deserves it.

Potential hyperbole: Casey Blake/Blake DeWitt is gritty and knows how to win!
The truth: They are average or below average hitters who have beards, thus obscuring an objective analysis of them as players and projecting a serious aura of grit.

Potential hyperbole: Joe Torre really reigned in Manny Ramirez! He made him get his dreadlocks cut!
The truth: Seriously, look at Manny. That's a trim at best. His impending contract status reigned him in.

Potential hyperbole:Brad Lidge was 47/47 in save opportunities this year! He's finally past the home run he gave up to Albert Pujols in the 2005 NLCS.
The truth: Brad Lidge wakes up in a cold sweat at least twice a week after seeing Albert Pujols send a ball in to orbit in his dreams. Wait -- that's not the truth, that's complete hyperbole. They're already getting to me and the series hasn't even started!

Potential hyperbole: Joe Torre is the greatest manager to walk the face of the earth. He could win a division with a team full of nine-year-olds, llamas, and people who get their hands stuck in pickle jars.
The truth: A team full of nine-year olds, llamas, and people who who get their hands stuck in pickle jars could've won the National League West this year.

That's all for the NLCS, folks. Hope you enjoy what's certain to be the greatest baseball series in the history of the solar system.