The Dugout We Can Believe In

Hey, you know what we're best known for? Biting political satire.

The hardest part of this Dugout was coming up with a good screen name for Barack Obama. It's not that his name is difficult to pun, it's that his name is incessantly punned already. He's got "Barack Around the Clock" as a pro-Bama song, he's weathered every imaginable connection to Osama Bin Laden, and I had to smell what he was cookin' in that abysmal Wrestling Catchphrase Mad Libs promo he cut on an episode of Raw. If you aren't satisfied with the name we chose, hell, walk in my shoes for a day. People expect a certain level of quality in my crappy punning.

Tonight's Dugout is flip-flopping after the jump.

The Dugout

	SweetHomeAlObama: i-i-in the interest of disclosure, I am a man of mixed race running for President of the United States.
	HisFellowAmericans: /cheer, bob signs
	SweetHomeAlObama: My father was from Kenya, my mother was from Kansas. My stepfather was from Indonesia.
	HisFellowAmericans: /cheers
	SweetHomeAlObama: My grandmother was a Native American... my grandfather was an Eskimo. My uncle, is a robot.
	HisFellowAmericans: Woooo!
	SweetHomeAlObama: As President, I plan to raise taxes on the upper, middle, and lower classes consistently over the next eight years.
	HisFellowAmericans: Yeah! Woooo!
	SweetHomeAlObama: Additionally, I am a secret Muslim. I go into an East-facing closet and pray in the darkness to Allah at least five times per day.
	HisFellowAmericans: woo, tolerance
	SweetHomeAlObama: As such, I renounce my Christianity and spit, nay, defecate on your Main Street ideals. A log, my brownest, on the face of your Jesus Christ.
	HisFellowAmericans: change we can believe in!
	SweetHomeAlObama: I personally hate each and every one of our troops, and I want to bring them home just so I can punch them in the face.
	SweetHomeAlObama: I have a special needle-firing gun that can give you breast cancer, and I think people with Multiple sclerosis got it because they deserved it!
	SweetHomeAlObama: I not only support gay marriage but am gay myself, and after this speech I'm going to drop trou' and make out with him in front of your children and babies.
	SweetHomeAlObama: And then I'm going to give all of your tax money to science to develop a way for men to have babies, so that I may impregnate and abort from within him continuously.
	SweetHomeAlObama: If that cannot happen, I will keep turning on and turning off the Large Hadron Collider until scientific impossibility happens and we're all sucked into a black hole.
	HisFellowAmericans: /cheer, bob signs
	SweetHomeAlObama: Now if you'll excuse me, the NLCS is on right now and I'd like to watch it. I'm rooting for the Phillies!
	HisFellowAmericans: WHATTTT ROOAOORRRRRRRR
	HisFellowAmericans: YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU WILL NEVER BE THE PRESIDENT RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
	PalinComparison: Now, hyuck, I dunno whatcher sayin' Mr. "O-bama," but you said you were a White Sox fan and by gum I just don't see how anybody can trust you now!
	HisFellowAmericans: YEAH THAT SEXY BABE IS RIGHT
	PalinComparison: I bet Senator Obama wants Jayson Werth to get a hit!
	HisFellowAmericans: KILL HIM KILL HIMMMMMMMM
	SweetHomeAlObama: Now, now, now, now, now, now Governer Palin, now-
	PalinComparison: Maybe Senator Obama just doesn't understand baseball! Maybe "this one" would rather discuss BASKETball!
	PalinComparison: Wull Mist'robama, let me tell ya somethin' doncha'know, the Mavericks are going to have a great season, and it starts with John McCain!
	HisFellowAmericans: She sounds like Tom Nieto when she speaks! She's speaking directly to us!
	PalinComparison: /winks
	SweetHomeAlObama: I'd like to say that I agree with Governer Palin on this... a great season does start with John McCain.
	SweetHomeAlObama: That's why, for the rest of the campaign, I will be wearing a rubber John McCain Halloween mask and he will be wearing MY mask.
	SweetHomeAlObama: We will continue to blur the line between Democrat, and Republican, and agree and disagree about the same thing until we are indistinguishable.
	HisFellowAmericans: /blink blink
	SweetHomeAlObama: and the government will continue to be run by the Shadow Cadre that has been in power for the last 200 years.
	SweetHomeAlObama: In conclusion, go... Rays?
	HisFellowAmericans: woooooo!

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

10-15-2008 @ 10:54AM

Derek said...

Best. Dugout. Ever.

10-15-2008 @ 1:03PM

EcksMullett said...

Is "Best. Dugout. Ever."

the new "First!"?

Where was I on that memo?

10-15-2008 @ 7:04PM

Suss said...

Tom Nieto and Sarah Palin, forever linked in my mind. I never thought I'd see the day.

10-17-2008 @ 10:21AM

JumpinJesuits said...

SweetHomeAlObama: We will continue to blur the line between Democrat, and Republican, and agree and disagree about the same thing until we are indistinguishable.

I have to go to a friggin' baseball parody website to get the truth...man, we do live in interesting times. Is it any wonder B that I spend the other half of my Internet time on The Onion?