**OnlineHost** Welcome to Taco Bell Chat!

listless_employee: heyyyy

if it isn't jacoby ellsbury, better known as "tacoby bellsbury"

JBartlettGiamatti: Actually, I'm Jason Bartlett.

listless_employee: um

uh

j

jason [taco]belltlett

listless_employee: no

jatacobell bartlett

listless_employee: um,

jason "taco bell" bartlett, esq.

JBartlettGiamatti: So I just wanted to

listless_employee: dr. jimmy nachos

JBartlettGiamatti: So I just wanted to see about getting that free taco.

listless_employee: oh sorry dooder, that's not happening till next tuesday, between 2 and 6 pm

JBartlettGiamatti: What? During the afternoon? Who gets drunk enough during the afternoon to decide that going to Taco Bell is a good idea?

listless_employee: nobody really, that's kind of the point

JBartlettGiamatti: damn it

listless_employee: but i mean, we're holding other "free food" contests too

each item on the menu can be obtained for free if you accomplish a given baseball action

JBartlettGiamatti: Really? What do I have to do to get a Meximelt?

listless_employee: hit a ground-rule double

JBartlettGiamatti: And a Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito?

listless_employee: record an inning pitched and commit a balk

JBartlettGiamatti: Fiesta Potatoes?

listless_employee: record an inside-the-park home run and a strikeout in the same at-bat without ever touching second

listless_employee: this requires the catcher to drop the third strike. you run to first and reach safely on an errant throw or something. then there's, say, an earthquake, and the game is suspended

listless_employee: your front office manages to elude a litany of postseason trading rules, and you are traded to another team, so another guy takes your place and continues running the bases once the game is made up

listless_employee: he rounds second, but then there's ANOTHER earthquake or something, and the game is suspended, and before it's resumed, you're traded back to the team for him

listless_employee: and then you continue running the bases

JBartlettGiamatti: What the f*** did you just say

listless_employee: hey, i know it's pretty tough to pull off, but fiesta potatoes are really good, sooooooo

JBartlettGiamatti: sigh

/looks around

What do I have to do to score some straws, sporks, and packets of hot sauce?

listless_employee: possess two hands and even the slightest degree of nonchalance

JBartlettGiamatti: Deal.

/stealthily grabs fistfuls of Fire sauce and those weird napkins that look like they were taken out of the towel dispenser in the bathroom, heads to door

man delmon would have loved this s***

NietoMosquito: /holds open door

lemme get that fr'ya! y'look like one hungry fella!

JBartlettGiamatti: shut up, i'm trying to thieve these condiments, do you want everyone to notice

JBartlettGiamatti: motherf*** lookin like the hate child of hugo chavez and the oxi clean guy, get the hell out of my way

**OnlineHost** Jason Bartlett has left the chat room.

NietoMosquito: /pivots to look behind him without moving his feet

/looks ahead

/pivots back

/looks back ahead

NietoMosquito: /beams

/dusts off shirt unnecessarily

how 'bout that!

listless_employee: will this be for here or to go, sir

NietoMosquito: wull i hope it'll be t'go! t'go t'the rest'rant an' leave with'n honest job, that is!

listless_employee: all right well i'll need you to fill out this application, let me go find a pen

NietoMosquito: n'worries! ol' mr. tom's got his lucky pen in here somewhere!

/sets overstuffed suitcase on counter

NietoMosquito: /pops open hinges, contents fly everywhere

listless_employee: wow, what is in that thing

are those socks and underwear? is that a box of saltine crackers?

listless_employee: is that a folded-up tarp? is that a length of rope for the purpose of tying between two trees and draping the tarp over it, thus achieving a makeshift tent?

listless_employee: dude, are you living out of your suitcase?

NietoMosquito: /beams, stares at wall behind employee's shoulder

yessir!

NietoMosquito: all kindsa must-have odds-an-ends in here! just 'bout th'only thing i learned from boy scouts! "always be pr'pared!"

NietoMosquito: (just joshin'! i learned plenty o'neat stuff in th'boy scouts! learned t'fold th'american flag right! kinda like foldin' a paper football! [but y'd have t'be a real big fella t'play paper football with a flag!] )

listless_employee: whatever, here's the application, take your time

listless_employee: in the meantime would you like to try our Spicy Crunchy Mexican Colloquialism Burrito

NietoMosquito: wull gee, what in th'world is that?

listless_employee: just a tortilla with a bunch of table salt dumped into it

NietoMosquito:

NietoMosquito:

NietoMosquito: wull gee!