Babe, it's a hard lifeGod makes you live
But without it,
Don't doubt it
You don't even have
Your tears to give
- "Hard Life," Bonnie Prince Billy
If you are unfamiliar with Tom Nieto's role in The Dugout, I humbly ask that you read some of these before you read this one. Your second Dugout of the day is after the jump.
The Dugout
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Taco Bell Chat! |
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ungrateful_customer: /drives up to window I'M IN A HURRY |
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NietoMosquito: yes'm! mr. tom'll get ya yer grande combo quicker'n y'n drop a hat! |
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NietoMosquito: y'know, i'm startin't like this job! i'm a pretty lucky fella! not a lot'o folks get'ta eat free b'ritos fer lunch an' dinner! |
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NietoMosquito: 'fact, i |
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ungrateful_customer: SHUT UP AND JUST GIVE ME THE FOOD |
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NietoMosquito: yeppers! /hands food through window, turns around to fetch hot sauce packets |
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NietoMosquito: would y'care fer any hot sauce! mild, hot, or fire! take yer pick! |
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NietoMosquito: but b'ware! th'fire sauce is awful spicy! poor ol' tom put some on'is tacos fer lunch, an'it was so spicy that smoke just'bout poured out m'ears! |
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NietoMosquito: (just kiddin', but still it was awful hot!) |
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NietoMosquito: tell y'what, i'll just give y'a heapin' handful o' all the sauces, s'that way /turns back around |
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ungrateful_customer: /scoffs, drives away |
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NietoMosquito: wull how 'bout that! guess hot sauce ain't fer everyone! can't blame'r though! |
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overbearing_manager: Tom, a word. |
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NietoMosquito: yessir! |
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overbearing_manager: I know it's your first day, but I just don't know if this is going to work out. |
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overbearing_manager: See that clock up there? That's the drive-thru clock. We've been over this. You need to get the orders out the window as quickly as possible. Stop with all the chit-chat. |
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NietoMosquito: real sorry, sir! it's just, i'm not used t'workin on th'clock! |
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NietoMosquito: an'y'know, that's what's s'great 'bout baseball! i sure miss it! th'grass is real green, an' everyone's havin' fun! |
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NietoMosquito: an'y'know, that feelin' a throwin' a baseball out there! a ball into th'ether! an' knowin' it'll come back t'ya! |
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NietoMosquito: that there's th'promise o' everlastin' life! that y'can throw a piece a'yerself out there, and it'll always come back t'ya! |
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NietoMosquito: but 'know, baseball's s'great 'cause it doesn't have a clock! y'can just keep on playin' and playin'! |
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overbearing_manager: Well, life isn't like that, because the clock on your life hits midnight and you die. |
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overbearing_manager: And Taco Bell is not like that, because if you do not get people their orders in a timely manner, you will be fired. |
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overbearing_manager: This is your last chance, Tom, I swear to God. Shape up. |
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NietoMosquito: gee i'm sure sorry, i'll try t'do better sometimes it seems like i'm not gonna have no luck, like there ain't a nook in this world t'hang ol' tom |
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overbearing_manager: Yeah, seems that way, huh, Tom? I mean, I read your resume when I hired you. |
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overbearing_manager: I called your bosses at Radio Shack and Yankee Candle. They laughed about you. They said you were a joke. |
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overbearing_manager: And if there's one thing, one thing, I can take from my stupid decision to hire you, it's the fact that, at the very least, I got to be in on this joke. This stupid, sad, hilarious joke that is Tom Nieto. |
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NietoMosquito: mm |
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NietoMosquito: /wipes eyes |
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NietoMosquito: hohhhhhh /turns around |
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PECOTA: HELLO! I ORDERED! THREE SPICY CHICKEN BURRITOS! |
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NietoMosquito: y-uh /sniffles /looks around |
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PECOTA: |
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NietoMosquito: sigh /beams yessir! comin' right up! |
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NietoMosquito: here y'go! quite a spiffy bike y'got there! |
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PECOTA: THANK YOU! |
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NietoMosquito: oh! don't fr'get yer hot sauce! |
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PECOTA: OH! THANKS! /revs motorcycle YA! |
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NietoMosquito: /salutes |
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**OnlineHost** Later... |
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PECOTA: /takes bite out of burrito HMM! |
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PECOTA: /takes hot sauce out of bag, pours on burrito, takes a bite I HAVE NEVER TASTED! SUCH FLAVOR! |
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PECOTA: HMM /bows head, reflects |
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PECOTA: NO MAN! IS AN ISLAND! |
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PECOTA: /raises arm, snaps fingers |
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**OnlineHost** Welcome back to Taco Bell Chat! |
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overbearing_manager: uh, Tom? Phone's for you. |
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NietoMosquito: phone call? fer ol' tom? wull whoopee! /excitedly hops over to phone |
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NietoMosquito: yessir or ma'am! this is mr. tom nieto, at yer service! how'n i help ya? |
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NietoMosquito: what's that? |
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NietoMosquito: ...th' new britain rock cats? |
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NietoMosquito: ...y'need a manager? |
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NietoMosquito: . . . |
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NietoMosquito: /drops phone |
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NietoMosquito: /stares |
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NietoMosquito: . . . |
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NietoMosquito: . . . |
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NietoMosquito:
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NietoMosquito:
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NietoMosquito:
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NietoMosquito:
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**OnlineHost** The idea that you can throw a piece of yourself out there, into the ether - a ball into the ether - and it comes back to you. This is the promise of everlasting life, that it's not going to end. It's going to come back to you. - John Thorn |
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
10-23-2008 @ 5:46PM
Feiler said...
This is the happiest I have ever been to learn of a managerial change on a double a baseball team. Tears came to my eyes, I tell you.
Reply
10-24-2008 @ 3:00PM
TimLincecumsRoboticArm said...
+11111111111111111111111
10-23-2008 @ 7:23PM
Ryan said...
Wow, wow, wow.
I don't know if I'm more happy for Tom Nieto or his alias. All IS right in the world.
Reply
10-23-2008 @ 7:22PM
MyChemicalRomanowski said...
I don't get it. These dugouts have become more and more tangential as time goes on. What happened to Nick Dallamora???
Reply
10-23-2008 @ 8:11PM
JackBuckalope said...
I don't believe what I just saw!
NO FAIR! PECOTA GOT HIS FOOD FOR FREEEEE!
Reply
10-23-2008 @ 8:26PM
Laura said...
PECOTA saves us all again! I don't know how much more torture of poor ol' Tom Nieto I could have stood. It makes me weepy.
Reply
10-23-2008 @ 9:57PM
NietoBorito said...
YAAAY! Tom Nieto is no longer society's punching bag. This has truely made my day. :D
Reply
10-23-2008 @ 11:47PM
KingGreat said...
Collusion!! Barry Bonds did not recieve:
-a free taco
-a job at Taco Bell
-a managerial offer for ANY minor league affiliates.
I'll have my union reps, Rick Reed and Brian Daubach look into this.
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10-24-2008 @ 12:53AM
maggiemac said...
Hooray! FINALLY something good for ol' Tom!
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10-24-2008 @ 2:39AM
Thom said...
I can finally sleep at night. Thank you.
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10-24-2008 @ 1:31PM
daver4470 said...
I weep tears of joy....
Thank you, PECOTA. Thank you.
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10-25-2008 @ 12:36AM
Manoman said...
Harmonic convergence. I love it.
Reply
10-25-2008 @ 7:10PM
J-Lane said...
Thank the good lord in heaven. Couldn't take much more of that.
Though I know that, while happy, a small part of John Bois and B are disappointed that they now have to roll back commenting on an outstanding and hilarious character.
It was a good run. We all salute Tom Nieto.
Reply
10-26-2008 @ 12:23PM
chief said...
I know a guy that plays for the Rock Cats and, with Tom's guidance, I am now sure I'll soon know a guy who plays for the Twins. Brilliant.
Reply