bud_is_wiser: /walks to Citizens Bank Park, hoisting enormous umbrella

bud_is_wiser: What have you been doing?

ColeHamLuke: uh; playing BASEball!!!

DionerIsServed: but it's raining!

bud_is_wiser: I can help!

/waits to suspend game in a manner that suggests ulterior motives

bud_is_wiser: /suspends game

ColeHamLuke: THANKS MR. SELIG

BYE!!!

DionerIsServed: BYE!!

UptonGirl: wait couldn't you just have used your giant umbrella to shield us from the rain storm

bud_is_wiser: BYE!

/floats away

**OnlineHost** Bud Selig happens across a band of land-bound circus performers.

bud_is_wiser: Where's the ferry?

e5_rod: /waves

bud_is_wiser: No, the ferry.

JetersNeverProsper: no boat!!!

bud_is_wiser: No boat?

GirardiAndCola: emptybargogaga

disastoor

bud_is_wiser: We could swim across.

e5_rod: SWEEMEEE??!???!?

bud_is_wiser: /turns umbrella upside-down, ferries circus across river

bud_is_wiser: /tips cap, floats away

e5_rod: ooooOOOO GREAD NOW WERE IN NEW CHERSEY

GirardiAndCola: i wasn't planning on being in a new jersey until next season

**OnlineHost** Bud Selig happens across a couple of stranded children.

bud_is_wiser: Well, what's going on here? Trouble with baseball's steroids policy?

little_girl: it's browwwwken

bud_is_wiser: Well maybe I've got an idea!

i'd like to stress "maybe"

/sits children on umbrella, floats home

little_boy: ummmm

thanks for the ride home but how does this fix baseball's steroids policy

little_girl: yeah and now our bicycle is in bumf*** egypt, how are we supposed to go get it

little_boy: while we're on the subject, why were two of us riding just one bicycle

bud_is_wiser: WHEEEEEE

/floats away

**OnlineHost** Bud Selig happens across Pete Rose.

charlie_hustle: wow, quite a neat umbrella ya got there! guess it lets ya fly around an' stuff?

bud_is_wiser: Indeed it does!

charlie_hustle: is it capable of performing conventional umbrella functions, such as protecting one's self from precipitation? the rain's starting to fall pretty heavy!

bud_is_wiser: Indeed it can! Would you like to try?

charlie_hustle: sure!

/holds umbrella

bud_is_wiser: You have participated in a variety of acts which have sloughed the rain, and you must now live with the consequences of those acts.

charlie_hustle: d'ohhhh spiceracks

bud_is_wiser: /long-distance high-fives A. Bartlett Giamatti