The Dugout's World Series Game Five Remainder Preview

It's possible that tonight, for the first time in the history of major American sports, a championship will be won on a day in which a complete game isn't played in its entirety. We'll tune in to the game, knowing that we may very well see only three innings, but feeling as though we're going to see the same nine innings we see every other day. It'll end before we're emotionally ready, and then, no more baseball for months. Only incomplete passes, invisible fouls, and car doors frozen shut. Whee..

What if the Phillies do win? A nightmare scenario is presented in this afternoon's Dugout, after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost The Phillies have won the World Series championship!
	ColeHamLuke: WOO WOOOOOOOO
	RollinsBand: WOOOOOOO
	DastardlyAndUtley: WOO
	InTheMidnightHoward: you say that, and I say to you, WOOOO
	manuel_labor: I'm so proud of us. Now let's grab the trophy and get the hell off the podium, it's October in Philadelphia, which likely means that it's going to start snowing earthquakes any minute
	OnlineHost You can't do that.
	manuel_labor: Why not?
	OnlineHost We still have to fill two hours of television programming. Stall.
	manuel_labor: damn it Okay guys, we need to fill two hours of TV time.
	DastardlyAndUtley: how the hell are we going to that
	RollinsBand: ummumumumum okay, what sorts of things do they usually show on TV
	InTheMidnightHoward: TV shows!
	DastardlyAndUtley: /points Yes. Yes. Let's do it.
	ColeHamLuke: ahem Chloe! Get me the coordinates to the warehouse NOW
	DastardlyAndUtley: I can't! It's too dangerous! CTU has been compromised!
	InTheMidnightHoward: I AM ZOMBIE DAVID PALMER RAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR
	OnlineHost Later...
	RollinsBand: Get in that ass, Larry! You got to get in that ass!
	MoyerBodyGirl: /makes series of confounded arm gestures Get in that ass? Get in that ass!
	RollinsBand: yeah larry, gotta throw snickers bars in that ass, get a big spray can, spray LARRY WAS HERE in that ass. leave that son a bitch wide open!
	MoyerBodyGirl: /performs a variety of trivial acts that contributes nothing to anybody
	InTheMidnightHoward: /picks up ukelele, finger-picks an old-world ditty
	OnlineHost Later...
	ColeHamLuke: MCPOYLES!!!!!
	MoyerBodyGirl: Nobody punks out Paddy's like that. I say we
	manuel_labor: /shoots prostitute with revolver
	DastardlyAndUtley: AH GOD CMON FRANK WHYD YOU DO THAT I DON'T EVEN [untelligible]
	ColeHamLuke: okay how are we going to pull this off, how do we talk over each other in a chat room
	OnlineHost Later...
	ColeHamLuke: YO OMAR COMIN OMAR COMIN
	RollinsBand: /strolls ayyyyyYYYO
	RollinsBand: yo you best throw down that package 'fo i huff an' puff
	InTheMidnightHoward: i am terrified of you because your whistling of "farmer in the dell" is pitch perfect
	manuel_labor: Okay, how much time have we killed?
	OnlineHost Forty-five seconds.
	manuel_labor: gahhhhh
	OnlineHost An hour later...
	InTheMidnightHoward: You can't say that, Bill Maher! You can't say that!
	MoyerBodyGirl: /casts aggravating smirk, holds up palms, points down head, stares each panelist in the eyes individually
	MoyerBodyGirl: well i mean look at least bush didn't lipstick on a pig, lewinsky scandal, macarena, is that your final answer
	MoyerBodyGirl: i believe that religion is stupid and that everybody should be killed

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

10-29-2008 @ 6:53PM

Donut King said...

"MoyerBodyGirl: i believe that religion is stupid and that everybody should be killed"

So the Phillies employ a damn-near middle-aged atheist? I can see no fashion by which this could go wrong . . .

Solid skillz, JB.