The Dugout: Season 2

On Wednesday, the Baltimore Orioles unveiled several changes to their uniform and logo, hoping to be like the Tampa Bay Rays, who changed their uniforms and made it to the World Series, and hoping not to be like the Indians, who changed their uniforms and had to bust ass for a month and a half to finish above the Royals.

As someone who grew up an O's fan, I'm overjoyed that every Orioles fan I know can have a slightly happier next-five-months brandishing a physical, existing talking point to make them feel like the Orioles have made progress. "Hey, things are turning around, the O's are trying to sign Teixeira!" Argh, not they aren't. "We've got great prospects in the minor leagues!" Yes, and they will remain great prospects in the minor leagues until they die or are traded away. "We got new uniforms!" Okay, yeah, we did get new uniforms!

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Baltimore Orioles stevedore union Chatroom!
	MarkakisRedVelvet: /loads crates onto Eutaw Street /wipes brow, removes gloves
	ShareAndSherrillike: I dunno Nicky, if I don't get more hours I'm not gonna be able to put food on the table!
	MoraTheSame: Shut up, George, you make twice as much as Nicky does and he's our best man. Times are tough for everyone.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: /checks watch, pensively stares at waterfront Where the hell is Jones with those new unis?
	ShareAndSherrillike: Nah Melvin I know somes got it worse than me, what I gotta do is get my priorities straight.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: What you gotta do is go more than a third without giving up a run.
	MoraTheSame: what you "gotta do" is get somebody to show you how to wear your hat properly you f***en skeev
	Online Host PacmanJones has entered the chatroom in a transfer truck.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Finally!
	PacmanJones: Here we are ladies, new uniforms, straight from Bader's brain to your mouth!
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Let's see 'em! I want to see what they did to the logo, I bet they changed it up with a-
	PacmanJones: /makes it rain
	MarkakisRedVelvet: No seriously let's see the new uniforms
	PacmanJones: these are the new uniforms
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Whatta you f***en kiddin' me? They're exactly the same!
	MoraTheSame: No way man, these have racing stripes around the arms!
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Our old uniforms had racing stripes around the arms.
	MoraTheSame: yeah, but yeah but not orange ones
	PacmanJones: just wait till you see the new logo, check this crazy sh out, this sh is birdland
	PacmanJones: /makes it rain
	ShareAndSherrillike: whoaaa, they drew the bird and everything
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Are you serious? It's the exact same logo! All they did was get rid of the unnecessarily ornate baseball diamond behind the name!
	MarkakisRedVelvet: That patch. What's that patch on the arm?
	PacmanJones: what, you mean this /
	PacmanJones: it symbolizes our deep rooted connection to the people of Baltimore
	MarkakisRedVelvet: IT'S JUST THE EIGHTIES LOGO WITH A FLAG BEHIND IT WHO DESIGNED THESE UNIFORMS USING CLIP ART
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Don't tell me, our road uniforms have the cartoon bird, only he's wearing SUNGLASSES
	ShareAndSherrillike: jeez Nicky, if you got such a problem with the unis why not take it up with management
	MarkakisRedVelvet: No, screw that, I'm taking this as high as it'll go.
	PacmanJones: MacPhail is too busy almost signing nobody to listen to your problems with the logo, Nicky.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: that's why I ain't takin' it to MacPhail. I'm takin' it to The Greek!
	Online Host Later that day in the Diner Chatroom, people are chainsmoking in naturally lit booths while a dottering old man sits at the bar and mindlessly plays with beads.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: /storms in
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: Nicky, my friend! It is good to see you again! Please, have a seat!
	MarkakisRedVelvet: /sits down in booth, bites bottom lip I wanna talk to The Greek.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: The Greek? /smiles, looks at Ukranian bodyguards The Greek is a very busy man.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: I talk to The Greek or I walk.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: Whatever it is you would say to The Greek, you would say to me. Eh?
	MarkakisRedVelvet: It's these goddamned new uniforms. They're exactly the same as the old ones, only there's this patch, and-
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Since we got no plans to improve the people IN the unis, improvin' the unis is the only thing that's gonna get us into the playoffs next year.
	MarkakisRedVelvet: And I don't trust these bastards, not after I seen what they done to my cousin Miggy.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: Nicky. Your problems are my problems. I see that these new uniforms are... very important to you.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: I tell you what I will do. We change up the away uniforms. Put "Baltimore" on the front in the cursive. You like, yes?
	MarkakisRedVelvet: Yeah... yeah all right.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: And if you are okay with that, then maybe... maybe we look into some pitching for you down the road. Okay?
	MarkakisRedVelvet: ... /bites lip, nods head Okay.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: You are my best player, Nicky, come to me if you ever have a problem, I will help you like this.
	Online Host MarkakisRedVelvet has left the diner.
	OldMan: /slips beads into pocket, rises from the bar
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: /looks at no one in particular
	OldMan: /sits down in booth
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: Do you want me to have him killed?
	TheGreek: No, no. Continue paying him half as much as George Sherrill ... and keep him in Baltimore for the rest of his life.
	MiEsposaMadeFlanagan: /makes clandestine phonecall
	Online Host Meanwhile, back in the Baltimore Orioles chatroom...
	ShareAndSherrillike: They let you hold all the money for the new uniforms? That's weird...
	PacmanJones: yup, I'm supposed to stand here with this laundry basket until somebody drops by to pick it up.
	Online Host "Farmer in the Dell" is being whistled around the corner.
	ALoadOfHoey: /rushes into chatroom AY YO OMAR COMIN
	GooGooDaal: /pulls shotgun from stirrups Indeed.

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

11-16-2008 @ 12:21PM

Jon Bois said...

hahahaha

You know what the problem is? We used to make s*** in this country. Build s***. Now we just stick "The Wire" references in the next guy's Dugout.

11-16-2008 @ 2:47PM

Member, not guest said...

These are so great.

The downside is that it makes me realize that if you ever do a Rays Dugout using a locally based media reference it's going to be Cocoon