How hard can it be? Jerry Rice finished second. Emmitt Smith won the thing. Hell, even Warren Sapp didn't embarrass himself."I'm going to dance with stars!"
And off you go, on Dancing With the Stars, where you hope to disprove the theory that you're nothing more than an outfield klutz who can hit. And, with Cheryl Burke as your partner, you become the hardest working dancer in show business.
Your toughest competition is the team of Jose Reyes and Julianne Hough, and you know that facing them in the finals is an inevitability. Sure enough, that matchup looms when Reyes comes down with strep throat.
"That's it! I've got this thing won on a technicality!"
But the show's producers decide to choose a ringer to take Reyes' place ...
"Papelbon!"
"That's right Manny, it's me!"
Facing your friend and former teammate isn't easy, but your West Coast Swing is by far the best the show has ever seen, topped off by throwing Burke in the air, climbing the judges table, high-fiving Bruno Tonioli, kissing Carrie Ann Inaba on the cheek, landing in a split, and catching not only Burke, but a rose in your teeth! The crowd is stunned! You score a 30, and the audience goes completely nuts. It's going to take a miracle for Papelbon to pull this out.
But his jig somehow scores a 31 and you're relegated to second place. You're crushed. And Jonathan Papelbon will never let you live it down.
The good news is that you re-sign with the Dodgers in August of '09, hit .672 the rest of the season, and it's obvious that your experience on Dancing With the Stars has even made you a better outfielder with your new-found nimbleness.
The same suitors from 2008 are at your door again in 2009, with more money now that you're a more complete ballplayer at the age of 37. It's good to be Manny Ramirez.
THE END.
(Not sure how you got here? Start Choose Your Own Adventure: Manny Being Choosey in Free Agency from the beginning.)
