**OnlineHost** Welcome to Detroit Tigers Chat!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok what in the gesture are we watchen

TeachArmandoFish: The Lions game! You've played in Detroit before, you know the tradition!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: not really, kyle schadenfarnsworth was always too busy standen outside car factories an laughen at all the laid off popenjays

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: who's the bright boy standen behind the other guy with his hand up his butt

TeachArmandoFish: Oh, that's Daunte Culpepper. He's our quarterback now. Old, crusty, just came out of retirement.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hahahah

daunte's infirm-o

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /attempts to thrust crotch while slumped on couch, ends up just looking awkward

TeachArmandoFish: This team is just horrible, man.

God. There's 8:07 left in the first quarter and the Lions are losing 44-0.

TeachArmandoFish: 22 safeties, that has to be some sort of record

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ha are you tellen me that football has a score callt a "safety"

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wonder if there's a rule that lets you score 2 points in baseball

wonder if it's callt the "buttered toast" or somethen

TeachArmandoFish: Don't knock football, man. It's a tough sport out there. It's warfare.

Every game is a battle.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: so what historical battle is this supposed to be, the f***en ding dong massacre

TeachArmandoFish: Shut up, there is no such thing as the Ding Dong Massacre.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /glares

TeachArmandoFish: It's not a thing, you just made it up.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: dont you f***en disparage the brave british doughboys whom lost their lifes in the ding dong massacre

**OnlineHost** Kyle Farnsworth offers a half-hour lecture on what he calls the "Ding Dong Massacre," during which he performs a series of racially insensitive accents and performs several "throat-slit" gestures.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: an thats the sadful an rip-roaren tale that is the ding dong massacre

TeachArmandoFish: c-can you really behead someone with a horse whip?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth:

how can you not

TeachArmandoFish: /looks over at television

**OnlineHost** With 7:19 left in the third quarter: Titans 126, Lions 0.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whose that enormous drink of water there

TeachArmandoFish: Him? That's Manny Ramirez. He's one of our offensive linemen.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: manny losen badly

TeachArmandoFish: Wow, that was weird. You just referenced another baseball player by name. Have you ever done that before? I mean, do you actually know who other people are, or are we all just a nameless rabble of faces that you happen to come across?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hasent really been established